


We Could Belong To Each Other

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Oh look it's more of Adarian's weird Qunari headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 06:07:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 41,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6458890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sten gets ill from a virus common in Ferelden but has no natural immunity. Tabris rushes to save his life and after she manages to, it raises questions about the nature of their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Wait, didn't you publish this already in As You Wish?"
> 
> Yes, but I decided to use this one as a jumping off point. So...you're welcome? The next chapter is original, I promise.

"You're being oddly quiet," Tabris commented, glancing up at Sten.

"I find that it is sometimes wise to listen instead of talking incessantly."

Tabris argued, "But normally you make a little huff or sigh when we all do something you think is stupid. The regular sounds of judgment aren't happening. You lost in your own thoughts? Dreaming of cookies?"

Sten said nothing, grunting slightly as he walked on ahead. Tabris frowned.

"Don't worry about it," Alistair said, giving her a little shove towards the city. "Once he went three days without talking to me and then finally asked the last time I had washed my hair."

Tabris shook her head. "I don't know why I bother."

"Because you like him," Alistair teased.

Tabris rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Go bother the dog or something."

Sten stumbled slightly and Tabris went back to his side.

"Are you sure you're al-"

"I am fine," he snapped. "Leave me with some peace, kadan."

"You're pale," she protested. "Sit down just for a few minutes. Let's get you some water. Please."

Sten waved her off, his hand visibly trembling. He walked a few more paces before leaning forward. He fell to his side in the earth. Tabris raced over to him, kneeling beside him. His skin was warm and clammy, his cheeks pale.

"Wynne!" She called out.

The mage ran forward and gently pushed her out of the way. 

"He's fevered," she said. "We need to cool him down."

The others rushed about as they followed Wynne's orders, leaving Tabris to try to coax some water past his lips. She helped the others bring him to a bedroll and stood back helplessly, too shaken to move.

***

Tabris refused to leave his side as he slept. She laid down beside him, watching anxiously as he breathed. Someone needed to monitor him, it might as well be her as she didn't sleep much these days anyways.

He shivered even as beads of sweat laid upon his brow. She tried to keep the blankets around him. The mabari slept nearby him, as if attempting to warm him. 

She glanced up as Wynne came into the tent. The others were stirring outside.

Wynne said softly, "Warden, the qunari is not well."

"No shit," Tabris replied. "What else do you got for me?"

Wynne explained, "Sten hasn't been exposed to the same diseases as us in Ferelden. I suspect he's caught a strain of the Frostback Flu."

"That's fine," Tabris laughed. "He'll sweat it out. I had it when I was six and I just slept for a day and I was healthy as ever."

Wynne explained, "But you were six. I'm not sure how old he is, but he's well past thirty. Among humans, Frostback Flu gets more serious the older you are if you weren't exposed to it as a child. Most children in Ferelden, regardless of race, get exposed to it before the age of ten. Teenagers get very sick and it can kill adults easily. Sten was never exposed and likely he has no inherited immunity from either of his parents, however that works in the Qun. Warden...I want you to be prepared. He may have been hiding how sick he was for days. There is a chance-"

"What do I do?" Tabris asked.

"Warden-"

"No, we're saving Arl Eamon from a severe magical poisoning coma and I barely give a shit about him. This is something that kids get. There's got to be something I can do. So tell me. What do I do?"

"We're a few hours from Denerim now," Wynne said. "We may be able to get him to a healer with a bit more experience in his physiology but Sten wouldn't be able to make the trip in his condition." 

"Then I'll go," Tabris said firmly. "I know the streets better than anyone here. I'll get in and get out."

"Warden," Wynne reminded, "you are a wanted woman in Denerim, twice over. If someone recognizes you, you will be captured and possibly killed. You are one of two Grey Wardens left in the country, you cannot possibly risk your life for-"

Tabris interrupted, "Keep him alive. I'll listen to the lectures when I get back."

She looked to Huan. "Take good care of him, boy."

Tabris went out, seeing her companions waiting nearby. She whistled over to Bodahn.

"I need your horse," she said.

"Can you ride, Warden?" Bodahn asked nervously. 

"Just give me a boost and I'll figure out the rest," she ordered. "Alistair, you're in charge. Get him in Bodhan's cart and start going towards Denerim, slowly on this same road. Try not to get everyone killed."

He smiled and saluted. "Can do."

Alistair helped her onto the horse and she sat in the saddle nervously. She tentatively went forward, finally ordering, "Go!"

The horse galloped forward and she hung on tightly. This was not her wisest decision to date.

***

When she made it to Denerim, she could barely feel her legs. She led the horse forward into the streets, keeping her hood up around her. She scanned through the marketplace before seeing Slim off to the side. She nodded to him and walked over.

He patted her on the back. "Louie, I thought you were dead. You doing alright? Where'd you get the horse? I thought you were scared of horses."

"Quiet," she said quickly. "Here, take the thing before someone thinks I stole it. I need a merc healer, preferably someone who works with qunari. You know anyone at the Gnawed Noble, maybe?"

"Gareth, he's known to stitch up a few," Slim said. "Seriously, be careful, if one of them knows who you are, they're not above capturing you for coin. Also, there's a few gems in one of the rooms right now, second down the east hall. Grab some and we'll split it, eh?"

Tabris rolled her eyes. "Don't steal the horse, I'll be back."

She kept walking towards the Tavern, meeting the glance of any guard who looked at her. She went in, wiping her muddy boots at the door. 

She leaned on the bar, glancing up at a waitress. "Gareth?"

The waitress pointed over to another room and Tabris walked over, keeping her hand on her pommel. She glanced through the space before she moved in, seeing a few men drinking in the corner. 

"Looking for Gareth," she said to them. "Any of yours?"

A human man looked up at her suspiciously. "You one of Bran's people? You don't look like you've got a scratch on you, but let's have a look at you. Money up front."

"It's not me. Do you have any experience with qunari?" Tabris asked. "I've got a sick soldier with Frostback Flu."

"You could always just hire another one," Gareth said, shrugging. "There are enough Tal-Vasoth for hire around here, you'd pick up another with a couple coppers. If your man's sick, he ain't worth the coin to fix him or my time."

Tabris grabbed his collar and pulled him up. 

"Listen here you sick son of a sow," she growled. "You're going to help me, or there ain't going to be a merc doc skilled enough to put you back together. You hear me?"

Gareth paled slightly. "I hear you."

Tabris let him go. "Talk."

"I've seen a few mercs come down with it as adults. Maybe six or so. I only had one live, but he was barely past eighteen."

"What did you do?" Tabris asked.

"Brandy, rest, lots of water. Elfroot boiled with ginseng, ginger, and turmeric."

Tabris frowned. "What are those?"

"Spices for nobility, they come from Seheron. You might be able to get some at the Inarra Importers, but I doubt it. I got them only from the kid himself."

"Thanks for your time," she said, tossing a silver at him.

Tabris left the tavern and went towards the stores. She tried to brush her hair slightly before she went in. She looked around for the ingredients, ignoring the glances of the much richer patrons. Her qunlat was shit, but she managed to collect them without too much effort.

She went to the owner, hearing the door open behind her. She glanced back as her order was tallied. Two guardsmen entered the store. 

One of them said loudly, "We've gotten a report of a possible theft in this store. Miss, we hold the right to search you."

Tabris groaned. Freaking racists. The one time she wasn't stealing anything.

She turned around, keeping her hands in the air.

"That's a nice sword for a little elf girl," the other commented skeptically, drawing it from its scabbard. 

Tabris said nothing, letting them search her pockets. One took her coin purse out and tossed it on the counter. She mentally ran through her inventory in her head. She had taken out everything that could have been connected to her a long time ago. 

"100 silvers," the first whistled. "I doubt that a woman such as her could earn so much without bending the rules a little."

His hand rested on her hip. "Or maybe she's employed in a more legitimate profession. Perhaps a donation of her services would make us look the other way..." 

Tabris said firmly. "You will give me my money and weapon. I will take my purchases and I will leave. Unless you have a reason to arrest me-"

The second grabbed her chin and tilted it up. "We should take her in. Captain is still looking for an elf woman her age. And then we can search her privately." 

Tabris kneed him in the crotch before grabbing her sword from his hand. She pointed it at the throat of the other before he could touch his.

"Look," she growled. "I don't have time for this. You want to try to arrest me? It's going to end with one of you missing your hand and the other pissing himself. So let's just skip this big fight and I'll just walk out of here. Great. See you, boys."

She held her other hand out to the shopkeeper. "My purchases, please."

"On the house," the shopkeeper whispered fearfully.

Tabris rolled her eyes and placed her money on the table. "I'm not going to hurt you, fool. You haven't done anything wrong."

Tabris backed out, tossing the bag into her satchel. She put her sword back in its sheath and ran towards Slim. The man spotted her and smacked the horse's side, sending it towards her. Tabris sprinted, managing to grab the top of the saddle and pulling herself on top. She hit her sore thighs and she yowled, holding on still as they raced out of the city gates, a few city guards chasing after her. 

She continued the fast pace for nearly twenty minutes before the horse slowed. She caught her breath, leaning forward in the saddle. She heard a voice singing through the trees. 

Tabris led the horse forward, seeing the caravan just beyond a hill. She summoned the last of the horse's strength until it refused to move. She dismounted and ran the last few feet until they saw her. 

In exhaustion, she tossed the ingredients to Wynne, barking out instructions. Bodahn went out to help his horse and she climbed in the back of the wagon, seeing Sten tossing in his fevered sleep, Huan lying faithfully beside him.

She fed him some of the brandy. "Sorry, I know this isn't very Qun-like, but I think your liver can handle a bit of it."

When he had drunk a few mouthfuls, she got back out of the wagon.

"Alistair, take a few people and go on to Denerim," she ordered. "We'll camp here."

Tabris lay down beside him in the crammed space, the dog whining as Sten groaned in his sleep. Hesitantly, she touched his arm.

"Hey," she said softly. "You're a tougher asshole than any eighteen year old I ever met. You can do this. Just hold on. "

She helped hold his head up when Wynne returned with the medicine. He drank the potions before resting his head back down on a folded bedroll.

"You should let him rest," Wynne said softly. 

Tabris refused to move, bringing the blankets around him.

"Nobody should have to die alone," she said. "So just in case...I'm staying here."

Wynne nodded and left them in peace. 

"That being said," Tabris said weakly, lying beside him, "I would rather you survived this. You know, after all that effort. So...so try, okay?"

Huan laid on her other side, the mabari warming them both. Sten shivered and she brought him closer to her. They laid like that until she could no longer keep her eyes open.

***

When Tabris woke, Sten was sitting upright, drinking from a canteen slowly.

"Thank the Maker," she whispered. 

"Thank medicine," Sten grumbled. "Your God had nothing to do with this."

"And he's back," Tabris chuckled. "You had me worried. Who would lecture me about my poor life decisions? Wynne? She's so much less fun."

"I am told you put yourself at great risk. You are safe?" He asked tiredly.

"You nearly died from a childhood illness and you're asking if I'm okay?" She laughed. "I'm fine, of course I'm fine. I've been dealing with city guards since I was a kid. The worst part was the horse. I bet you can't ride one without killing it."

"If you went to Seheron, you would be sick too. The gatla will leave you with tiny itchy spots that will torture you for weeks. Then you will not mock me."

"That sounds much less dramatic," she replied. "Less gallantry required from you."

"I do not know this word," Sten said. "Gallantry."

"Like a knight," Tabris explained. "You know. Risking your life for king and country, slaying dragons, rescuing fair maidens and fighting for their hand. All that."

Sten sighed, "Your literary tradition never ceases to amaze me with its absurdity. "

"Is there no romance at all in the Qun?" Tabris teased. 

"It is not permitted," Sten said quietly.

Tabris was surprised she felt so disappointed. "Oh."

Sten took her small hand in his. "You have saved my life, kadan. And that is something I shall never forget. I hope it never comes to it, but know that without a doubt in my heart, I would do whatever it took to save yours."

He smirked slightly. "Including slaying dragons." 

Her heart fluttered. "I'll let you rest."

He let go and she climbed out, walking in a daze towards the campfire. Alistair grinned at her, handing her a bowl of porridge.

He giggled, "I told you. You like him." 

"Shut up," she grumbled.


	2. "Can I ask you something?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This conversation was based on a kink-meme prompt who want the following conversation:
> 
> "Sten?"  
> "What is your wish, kadan?"  
> "I have a question."  
> "I am hardly surprised."  
> "Have you ever experienced romance before?"
> 
> I may be cleaning up the Sten tag too as I write this.

Sten was still recovering so Tabris left him in the care of Wynne while she and Alistair scoped the city for information about the Urn of Sacred Ashes. She was incredibly glad that Alistair was there as she couldn't get a rat's ass about Eamon, knew nothing about Andrastian theology, and couldn't get her mind off the Qunari. 

She was pretty much useless until returning to camp that night. Morrigan made a joke of Tabris letting Alistair take over, but it was good-natured. This was his realm of expertise, after all, and it was generally accepted that between being barred from the Alienage and nearly losing Sten, Tabris was not in a good place. And that usually led to someone being cursed at.

Sten was back in his own tent now, just dozing off. Huan still lay protectively beside him, his ears perking up as Tabris entered. 

Sten blinked, looking up at her. "Warden?"

Tabris sat beside him. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," he admitted.

She lay beside him. "Sten?"

"What is your wish, kadan?"

"Can I ask you something?"

Sten sighed, "When do you not? Go ahead."

"You said before romance was prohibited by the Qun."

"Yes, I did," he said, closing his eyes again. "It is good to know you are capable of listening, Warden. Let me sleep."

"Does that mean you've never experienced romance before? You've never been in love?"

"Love is a dangerous emotion, kadan," Sten said. "For me, it is like asking if I have ever gone mad, or ever gotten too intoxicated to stand. For your people, a first love is a charming story. For me, it is a confession of weakness."

"So do you have something to confess?" She asked, her heartbeat quickening. 

He murmured, "Let me sleep."

"So you've never-"

"Parshaara," he grumbled, sitting up. "Is this necessary? You have told me to rest, Warden, and yet you pester me still."

"I just want to understand," Tabris admitted. "Before I make a fool of myself."

Sten sat across from her, the full size of him apparent once again. Tabris had never felt afraid of him hurting her physically, but she could see why others might be scared. He was so Other and strange. Yet his gentleness constantly surprised her. She hoped he would be gentle with her now.

"I will tell you a story," Sten said, "and when it is over, we will not speak of it again, kadan. Do you accept?"

She nodded.

"We are raised by the tamassrans, "those who speak." They are women who are decide who shall reproduce, educate the young, care for infants, and decide our roles in life. They also aid in our welfare, looking after those who are impaired, and guiding through the healing of the mentally wounded. They know us before we are born, guide us to become who we were meant to be, and note our passing."

"It's little like Alistair being raised in the Chantry then," she said.

"Yes and no," Sten explained. "Alistair was already grown by Qunari standards when he came to your priests. By the time I reached twelve years of age, I was chosen to be a warrior, for the tamassrans who had watched me grow knew that is what I was. The tamassrans created me and shaped me to the needs of the Qun."

"For all Qunari? You don't have parents?"

"I have biological parents, but they are not important. As I said, if you would listen, the tamassrans decide who will reproduce. After their duty, they are not involved any further in the matter."

Tabris felt the words catch in her throat. "Have you ever been chosen to..."

Sten shook his head. "No, I have not. There are some who go to the tamassrans for...sexual release, but I never have. I have devoted my energy to serving my people. All of it."

"You're...a virgin?" Tabris asked, a smile creeping across her face.

"Your people place too much value on who they copulate with," he said, rolling his eyes. "It is not a matter of pride or judgment on my people. It is how I have chosen to serve, that is all. But you did not ask me about reproduction, you asked me about what you call romantic love, so let me continue."

"Please."

"When I was eight, before my trials and assessments, the tamassran who I was closest to thought I was not right as a warrior. She said I was too interested in understanding people. That I would hesitate before battle, before slaying another, without trying to find peace first. She thought that if I had been born female, I should have become a tamassran. She argued with the others but it had been decided since I was born. I was to serve as a soldier, not a scholar or a diplomat-for we did not have the latter."

"So what happened?" Tabris asked.

"I was sent to become a soldier early and the tamassran was dismissed from that position and went to work choosing reproductive partners. I believe that is why I have never been chosen. I think it is her way, from her understanding, of protecting me. It was foolish. I was meant to be a soldier and I have done well. She was right, I have always been far too curious for my own good, but it has given me the ability to speak to you right now. The Arishok trusted me because I understood foreigners better than most and would not cause violence unnecessarily. There is more than one way to protect our people without causing bloodshed. This is why...this is why my actions in Lothering so deeply shamed me. There are many of my kind who go into a blood frenzy, it is part of my genetic line I am told. But I had never experienced it before. I pray I never do again."

Sten looked away from her and continued, "So I was young when I became a soldier and I spent more time in the city and away from the compound than most. I saw much of the life of the Riviani and read everything I could find, to better understand. I wanted to learn. So I read literature, as we learn best of a culture from their art. Which is why I have never understood Ferelden, as your culture is so dull."

Tabris stuck out her tongue and he chuckled before going on. "I found myself exposed to romantic love then through their books. I would read of pirates and lords seducing others and having intercourse not just for pleasure, but for love. In the stories, they would sacrifice everything for one other person, ignoring the betterment of the whole. I was young and found it intriguing. I started to wonder...it does not matter what I thought. Most of my brothers did not read Rivani or Common and assumed I was reading more scholarly works. My karasaad discovered it one day and punished me."

"What did he do?" Tabris asked.

"He tied me to a pole in the courtyard for two days, without food or water, to give me time to think. And I did. I thought of the tamassran and began to think she might be right and I was not meant to be a warrior. It shook me and I nearly fell apart then. When the karasaad returned and asked me if I had "had enough", I was angry and said that he couldn't hurt me. So then he whipped me."

Tabris' heart sank in her chest. "The scars on your back..."

"Yes," Sten affirmed. "It was then I vowed to preserve my sexual energy. I knew I had a weakness, a softness, and I could not risk caring for a partner. Friends, brothers, all I welcomed. But I knew I was a man who was vulnerable and I would protect myself against anything that weaken me as a soldier of the Qun." 

"This is why you were so upset when I said I was a warrior, wasn't it?" Tabris asked softly. "Because I remind you about what your tamassran said." 

"I did not realize it at the time, but you are most likely correct," Sten agreed. 

Tabris said, "So that's why love is banned? Because you might value something else more than the Qun?"

"My tamassran did not perform her duties for she cared for me almost as your mother might have cared for you. It was weakness. And by allowing myself to imagine that I might love someone, that I might view reproduction as something other than duty, I felt the same weakness in myself. I see why it is forbidden, I do not question that. But I do not like to dwell on the past. It is unnecessary."

Sten asked quietly, "Has that answered your question?"

Tabris nodded.

"Then let me sleep, kadan. This talk makes me weary."

"I don't think love is a weakness, Sten," she said softly. 

"I know," he murmured, lying back down. "And that is why you are dangerous."

She left the tent, unsure of what to say. Huan followed her as she went back to her own, ignoring those who called her to dinner. The mabari whined and she held it, burying her face into his fur.

She laughed weakly, "I know how to pick 'em, huh?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, it's more Qunari headcanons because seriously folks, if you didn't reexamine Sten after like the wealth of knowledge we got in DA:I, then you clearly don't think about the Qunari as much as I do and also NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE.


	3. "I have been told that in Ferelden one typically marries for love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I wrote another story with Sten and braiding but I give the kink meme what it wants.

The Ferelden army had strict guidelines about the length of a woman's hair. Either short enough to fit comfortably under a helmet or long enough to tie back. When Tabris was preparing to enter the army, she had shorn it close to her head. After her mother's death and her sister's departure North, Tabris had left it as it was. But after a few months on the road her hair was starting to grow back and it wasn't exactly pleasant. She could have shaved it off, but she never seemed to have enough time to herself. And her hands weren't steady as they used to be, she had to admit that to herself. She wasn't sleeping well enough to hold a razor to her scalp nor would waste money having someone else do it for her. So she let it grow.

Even if it was so goddamn annoying. Stick to the back of your neck like your clothes after a back alley fumble in summer short. Poke you in the eyes like daggers short. Pull it back and it slides out like a limp dick short. She tried even slicking it back with some of Alistair's hair product, but her hair was just too long to make it work, made her just look like a nervous noble his first time at a bordello.

Like daggers? Shit, was that the best she could come up with? The Qunari was rubbing off on her. Soon she was going to be saying please and thank you.

One morning on the road she was particularly struggling with her hair, sticking it full of clips to attempt to keep it out of her face. She kept dropping them as she walked and she muttered to herself about she would do to the person who invented the little torture devices.

When they stopped for lunch, Sten grunted for her to sit down. He sat on a rock behind her and to her shock, started braiding her hair.

"Your antics are unsettling me," he said. "If you are to act like a warrior, you should be as groomed as one."

"Is this something you and your boys do? Braid your hair and gossip about how pretty the Arishok is?" She grumbled.

"It is a way of showing respect. We braid the hair of our brothers before battle to calm the mind and body. Sit still, kadan. Your hair is not long enough to do this properly."

Tabris relaxed slightly, leaning into his surprisingly nimble fingers. She pushed aside the dirty thought that crossed her mind about said fingers and it was replaced with a memory of Aria tying ribbons into her hair when she was young.

"My sister used to braid my hair," she said quietly. "I used to keep my hair long, almost down to my waist. I was never any good with it though."

"Where is your sister now?" He asked.

"Highever, or at least, she should be," Tabris said. "With the war its hard to know. She might have started coming south for my wedding and then stopped. I guess she didn't miss much."

"You...you are married."

"No," she said. "My fiancé was killed. A noble man and his buddies tried to force himself my cousin, myself, and a few others. I killed the assholes. Nelaros, my fiancé, he was just trying to rescue us. He was a good man, but he was just playing hero. I wish he hadn't tried."

"I have been told that in Ferelden one typically marries for love."

Tabris smiled. "Sten, are you trying to ask me if I was in love? No. It was an arranged marriage. A lot of city elves marry people in different cities, keep the bloodline going. He was technically my second arranged marriage. I was betrothed just before my mother died, but after everything that happened, he wanted nothing to do with. Troublemakers, apparently. Nelaros was supposed to be my last shot before I became an old maid. Poor guy."

Sten tied off the last braid. "He died protecting one he was swearing himself to. It is a good death."

"A lot of people in my life have died trying to protect me, Sten," Tabris admitted. "I'm kind of sick of it."

Sten stood up and Tabris felt over her tight braids, moving her head to test their strength. "Thanks. That's a lot better."

Sten just nodded. "We should move on."

She joined the rest of the party as Leliana served their meal. The Bard grinned at the sight of her.

"You look adorable! Like a little doll. Sten, will you do mine?"

Sten glared. "No."

Leliana made a face at him. "Fine, no stew for you."

Sten sighed, "You seem perfectly capable of the task. The Warden was inept and I did not want us all endangered because she could not see."

Morrigan said between bites, "I have heard that in some parts of Seheron the natives use head massages as a form of foreplay."

Both Tabris and Alistair spat out their drinks in surprise, the latter going bright red.

Morrigan did her best to look innocent. "So I have heard, at least."


	4. "Hit. Me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another kink-meme set up, but honestly, I love the Haven confrontation with Sten. I find it really refreshing for a character to notice how weird the collect allies set up is in Bioware games. Also it gives...opportunities for fanfic.

It was a long hike up the mountain. Tabris was in decent shape, but she had lived in a relatively flat city all her life. After the first few hours on the Frostback trail, she felt like she was dying. If she were a lesser woman, she would have begged someone to carry her. But she refused. At least for now.

"So," Morrigan said, glancing over at Sten. "I've been wondering something, my dear Qunari."

Sten sighed, "What is it, mage?"

"Are you more comfortable around me now that I'm in winter gear?" Morrigan teased. "Or do I look even more scary with my clothes on?"

"Excuse me?" Tabris asked, her voice half way between a squeak and a growl.

Sten glanced back at Tabris briefly. "The mage refers to my look of disgust at her previous attire. I simply put that modesty might suit her better."

"Which I think counts basically as flirting and now that he's feeling better, I can start pursuing the matter. Perhaps now that I'm covered I can finally inspire some lust from you."

Morrigan winked at Tabris who promptly flipped her off and began to make a series of obscene gestures when Sten looked back at her. Tabris simply smiled with gritted teeth, shooting Morrigan the dirtiest look possible. Morrigan fluttered her eyelashes at her in return. She loved Morrigan, but at the moment she could strangle her.

"Even if I could be attracted to such a small thing, you would not be interested. Qunari copulation is...unpleasant for others outside our kind. You have seen me on the battlefield when I am in control of my senses. You would not survive an encounter with one of my kind in the throes of passion."

"Is that so?" Morrigan asked innocently. "I'm a hardy woman, Sten."

"You barely wear undergarments. I imagine you are not prepared for the armour you would need to bed me."

Tabris was utterly confused. Was she dreaming this conversation? Had Sten stopped being a prude over night? He loved messing with Morrigan, but this was a new level. She glanced over at Alistair, whose jaw was almost scraping the snow.

"You break my heart, Sten," Morrigan sighed dramatically. "If only I were born Qunari."

"If you were we thankfully wouldn't be having this conversation. Let us just keep walking."

Sten strode forward, leaving the three of them in the middle of the pack. Once he was out of hearing range, Tabris shoved Morrigan into a snow bank.

"What the shitting Void are you doing?" Tabris hissed.

"I was curious," Morrigan said coyly.

Tabris was about to jump at her but Alistair grabbed her and held her back. "Easy, easy-"

Morrigan got up, brushing herself off. "Relax, Warden. I have no real interest in him. I would not risk death for an evening with him. No wonder he's held himself back from you. A little foreplay might just snap you in two."

Tabris broke free and threw Morrigan back into the snow, but the Witch blasted her and Tabris rolled away. Tabris caught her breath and muttered, "Stop it."

Morrigan put her hands up. "Fine, fine, I will no longer jest with him. I did not think you the jealous sort, but it appears I was wrong."

Morrigan strolled ahead and Tabris stood, trying to calm down.

Alistair patted her on the back. "I have no idea what just happened here, but I think it's okay now."

Tabris looked further ahead on the trail at Sten. "Not quite yet."

***

Just before they reached the village, Sten pulled Tabris aside, just off the path. The others went ahead to explore, leaving the two alone.

"There is something I must say to you," Sten said. "I do not think we should go any further this way. Our enemy is the Archdemon and here we are chasing down a myth neither of us believe in to cure a man neither of us respect. You do not need these allies if it means risking Ferelden further."

"I know," she said, "but we can't do this alone. We need help and if this amazingly stupid thing is what does it, then I guess that's what we have to do."

"It is a waste of our time and strength."

"I agree, but you need to trust me on this one," she insisted.

"Kadan, I trust you with my life."

Tabris looked into his eyes and asked, "So why won't you let me trust you with mine?"

Sten looked surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not fragile," she insisted, "and I don't break easy."

He almost chuckled. "I believe that."

"So let's be honest here, Sten," she said. "Are you attracted to me?"

Sten's eyes widened. "What?"

"I like you," she admitted. "I like you a lot and I think we should talk about it if we're going to face the end of the world together. So are you attracted to me?"

"It does not matter if I were," he said impatiently. "I did not lie to the witch. We are...incompatible."

"Are we?" Tabris asked. "We value the same things, enjoy the other's company, and have strikingly similar views about the state of this country. So if you're just attracted to me, then why don't we just act on it? If that's all this is. The Qun doesn't ban sex. It might do us both some good to let off some steam."

Sten looked like a bird stunned after just crashing into a window. "If you are proposing what I believe you are, I say again, we are not compatible. I would not trust myself with a human and you are even smaller. I would hurt you."

Tabris dropped her cloak onto the snow and dropped her weapons on top.

Tabris punched his shoulder. In almost amusement he asked, "Warden?"

"Hit me," she instructed.

"I will not-"

Tabris hit him in the chest, returning to her stance.

Sten glared and she put her hands up. "Hit. Me."

Tabris gave him a hard upper-cut to his jaw and Sten growled, spitting out blood.

"What is the purpose of this, kadan?"

"You said you would hurt me. Let me see you try. Come on then. Hit me."

Sten said firmly. "I will not."

"Because you can't," Tabris snarled. "You talk a big game, Qunari, but Leliana's right. Just a big old softie. Can't hurt a fly, never mind try to-"

Sten took a lazy swing at her and she grabbed his arm, twisting it. He tried to toss her off but she pulled them both to the ground. She rolled on top of him, grabbing her dagger at pointing it at his throat. He glared at her as she winced, her ribs definitely not appreciative of the hard smack.

"I am not weak," she said, "and you are not the monster you think you are. You are in control of yourself. If you have moral qualms about us, fine, but don't blame my size. If you try to hurt me, I will destroy you, and I think you like that about me."

She realized that Sten was growing hard beneath her and she stopped her rant. He was still was mostly flaccid, but his cock was still bigger than anyone she had ever been with. Sten closed his eyes, as if embarrassed.

"I was not referring to my physical strength, kadan," he muttered. 

"So I see," Tabris said, clearing her throat.

She slid off him and collected her gear, trying not to look at him. "Well, I'm glad we've cleared up that confusion. I guess we should-um-you know-sorry, are you just really well endowed for a Qunari or is that normal?"

Sten sighed, "From the little I know, I would presume I am average, perhaps even slightly smaller."

"You shouldn't wave that thing around," Tabris muttered. "A girl might faint."

Sten had a ghost of a smirk on his face as he got up, trying to brush the snow off of his traveling clothes. "Indeed."

She started to walk towards the trail and Sten took her hand in his. She turned to face him, her cheeks still slightly flush.

"To answer your question," Sten said, almost sounding sheepish, "I am attracted to you, but what I have said before still stands. It is not wise for us at this time. I do not want to encourage my feelings for you and I know that I am not capable of separating those feelings and my desire for you."

"So that's a no then?" Tabris asked.

"For now," he said. "It is something I must meditate on."

"I can accept that," Tabris said.

"And next time, I will be much clearer," he promised, the smirk returning, "before I suffer greater injury at your hands."

"Yeah...sorry about that."

"I will just say that we argued about the direction of our quest and you convinced me to listen to you," Sten said. "Considering your temperament, it would be not suspicious to our comrades."

"Thanks," she said, rolling her eyes. 

Sten let go of her hand and went towards the village. Tabris took a moment to catch her breath before joining him. The next time they went anywhere near civilization again, she was going to have to invest in some lube.


	5. "There's always a price."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone wanted some hurt/comfort. Then it got angsty. Real angsty.

Growing up in the Alienage, Tabris learned that you sometimes had to live side by side with your enemies. If she tried to destroy every asshat who hassled her, she was going to end up in prison or dead. After her mother got killed and Aria went to Highever she particularly kept her nose clean. She couldn't break the old man's heart, she had promised. Shianni was still a girl then and if Tabris hadn't been around when during the raids, Shianni and Cyrion might not have survived. She'd do what she had to for them.

And for months she couldn't reach them. The Alienage was closed. It didn't matter who she bribed or what she did, she couldn't get in. Returning to the city the second time only made it worse. Whatever was happening was still going on.

And when she found out what it was, she might have burned the royal palace to the ground if she didn't have her companions there. She'd remember almost none of it, just the pure rage that took over her body as she fought to save her step-father's life. Once he was safe home, she left. She'd come back later to reminisce. Right then, she needed a drink.

Tabris went to the Pearl, leaving her family in care of Huan. She ran into a few old friends and only gave a nod before paying for a room and a bottle of rum. She thought about hiring a worker just to work the muscles out of her back, but she didn't want to deal with another person. Three hours of solitude and booze and she might be able to process what had happened. Shianni wasn't well still, Soris was a widower, and her dad had nearly gone through hell. If Howe was still alive, she would have slaughtered him. If she knew necromancy she would have raised him up a few times just to kill him again.

It shouldn't have surprised her that drinking didn't make her feel any better. It usually didn't. But with the bottle gone and the hours up, she finally left the room, leaving a tip for the maid. She staggered down the hallway, bumping into a man leaving another room. She glanced over to apologize and her eyes widened. Without thinking, she decked him, tossing him to the ground. She tried to find her knife, but couldn't, forcing her to strangle him. Someone pulled her off him and she snarled, throwing them aside. Someone grabbed her from behind, dragging her from the room. Two guards tried to tackle her but she fought them off until a patron swung their bottle and knocked her out cold.

***

Tabris had been in prison exactly twice before. She had been arrested for theft when she was thirteen and managed to talk her way out of it after a few hours. When she was somewhere around twenty-one, she was arrested for illegal brawling and had spent two nights in the slammer. But this was different. This was the fate she expected when she killed Vaughan. Alone in a cell, deep in Fort Drakon. Naked except for a shift. Cold, hungover, and her arms aching. They had harassed her already, but nothing too terrible had happened yet.

A brief wave of guilt passed through her. Poor Alistair, running around Denerim trying to convince people that the Wardens weren't villains and here she was waiting for sentencing after trying to strangle an off duty guard. And resisting arrest. And for killing Vaughan and those other asshats. Possibly for other crimes she committed before being recruited. To be honest, people hadn't been exactly clear about what was going on. She just had to wait and find out.

Which gave her time to think. Too much time to think. She had her chance. Shit, she had her chances for years, it wasn't like the bastard had never made an appearance in her life in the past six odd years beforehand. She knew better. It didn't matter if the man had tried to rape her sister or if he succeeded in killing their mother. He was a guard. If she could arrange it stealthily she might be able to end him, but he was off limits. Attacks like that only brought shit down on the Alienage and the place was nearly razed already. And her pa, he would be tearing his hair out. It was stupid and selfish and utterly shitty of her. She wasn't thinking, she was drunk, she was angry, and she had felt like if she could do one thing it was to stop him from hurting anyone else.

But that wasn't how that worked on the streets. She should have known better.

***

The prison guards seemed to leave her alone until they found out she was a Warden. Apparently Arl Howe's death was being tossed on top of the pile of her charges. Didn't matter, they'd hang her anyways. And at least then Alistair was protected, that was good. He was a better Grey Warden then her, they'd be okay with him. And he had the others to help him. It'd be all right.

Now she'd just have to wait.

***

Two days later, she couldn't feel her fingers anymore. The guards had taken her clothes, her blankets, left her in a cell without even a bed. She hadn't been fed in...she had no idea. Had she eaten since she was tossed in here? If the last thing she ever tasted was bad rum, she was going to be pissed. Though it was hard to maintain the anger here. She was small here, vulnerable. A guard threatening her was enough to make her shiver. She just wanted to go home, whatever the hell that was now. She wanted it to be done.

She started crying, disgusted with herself, and a guard taunted her. She weakly flipped him off and leaned on the bars. But she couldn't stop crying. It didn't matter what she had done, it all led back to here, to this place she had feared so long. Her mother had told her about the months she had been in prison, around the time Tabris had been about ten or so. Adaia had wanted to scare her. Her mother had been tortured, assaulted, before finally being released after half a year underground. Adaia survived and she healed, but she never wanted her children to go through what they had. There was a price to resistance and Adaia had been willing to die to make sure her eldest daughter didn't pay it.

But she ended up here anyway. Because she was a piece of shit who thought the rules didn't apply to her.

She was so cold.

***

She had lost track of time and she was getting pissed. 

"Where's the hangman?" She shouted through the bars. "If he's having a wank, he's got the stamina of a god. Just shitting kill me already. What the shit are you waiting for? Just cut my goddamn head off!"

The guard responded by tossing her a dish of dirty water. She drank it, just so she had the strength to keep yelling. 

***

She stirred, hearing some commotion. She blinked blearily, looking down the cellblock.

It couldn't be.

"Sten?" She whispered hoarsely.

The Qunari said nothing, letting Alistair sign a few forms. When he was finished, the prison guard opened the cell. Tabris tried to stand up, but she was too weak. Alistair gave her a dress to wear. It looked like Shianni's. After she put it on, her hands shaking, she tried to rise, her knees buckling. With no effort, Sten picked her up and carried her in his arms. Alistair talked quickly, trying to explain the strings they pulled to get her out, but all she could focus on was how warm Sten was, how comforting the smell of anything other than the prison was. He practically cradled her like a child and she was so grateful she wanted to cry again.

Sten didn't speak during the coach ride and she was too tired to make fun of him barely fitting inside the carriage. Once they reached the gates of the Alienage, a dozen people raced to them, asking questions about how she was, what had happened. Tabris closed her eyes and Sten gently pushed them away, bringing her back into her childhood home. She couldn't stop shaking, her teeth chattering. 

She was laid on the couch and her father found blankets, wrapping her in them. Morrigan brought her hot tea and someone else-maybe Leliana-put a hot water bottle into her covers.

Tabris managed to whisper, "Please go away."

Alistair said, "We're all just worried, are you okay-"

"Get the shit out of my house!" Tabris ordered, tears streaming down my face. "All of you. Now."

Sten rose and she touched his hand. He understood and sat back down beside her. Everyone left except for Cyrion and Shianni, who watched her anxiously.

"I'm hungry," Tabris said tiredly.

"I'll make some porridge, that should be easy for you to eat," Cyrion said, kissing her forehead. "Perhaps your friend can help you into bed, we'll get you warmed up. Shianni, could you boil some water? A nice hot bath might help."

Tabris said nothing as her family moved around her. She ate her porridge and drank her tea dutifully until her bath was ready. She let Shianni wash her and eventually she was left alone in the tub, listening to the voices whispering just outside the door. She had no idea what they were thinking. She wouldn't blame them if they were pissed at her or if they worried she had cracked. She wasn't sure exactly. It felt a little like she was outside her body. This was happening, but not to her. She was still back in the cell and this was some weird fever dream. That seemed likely. People didn't just get released from Fort Drakon, especially not people like her.

Shianni came in and helped her dress into something warm and cozy. Her childhood bedroom was ready for her and Tabris felt so strange sinking into the old mattress. She pulled the blankets around her. Shianni sat beside her, stroking her hair.

"It's getting long," she commented.

"It's a hassle," Tabris murmured.

"I bet."

"Shianni, I love you, but I need you to leave me alone."

"Are you sure? I know you, you don't do well stewing on your own. That's probably what got you into this mess in the first place."

Tabris glared at her and Shianni put her hands up. "It's true, you know it. I don't blame you, I don't, but you weren't thinking straight."

"I need you to leave," Tabris whispered hoarsely. 

"I don't think you should be alone now."

"Then send in the Qunari, at least he knows when to shut up."

Shianni left and Tabris lay back down. She glanced up briefly to see Sten enter and close the door. He sat down beside the bed.

"Is Alistair mad at me?" She asked tiredly.

"He is upset, but he was worried. When he discovered where you were, he made many deals to secure your release. The Bard, I believe, also used her connections. They expect me to report to them on your condition. Are you injured?"

"They're going to retaliate," Tabris whispered. "They always do. They should have let me rot. The Alienage wouldn't get raided again. And everyone's sick, they can't fight back. I bet that bastard is just going to round up his friends and come straight back here."

"I doubt that very much, kadan."

"And why is that?" Tabris asked.

"Because he is dead."

Startled, she asked, "How? I barely got my hands on him."

"The guard was to be merely transferred to another district and he insinuated in the negotiations for your release that he might seek revenge. I knew he was a danger to you and to your family. So I ensured that he would not be any longer."

"You...killed him?"

"I did not relish it," he said quietly, "but it needed to be done. I would not let him harm you. I have not told another and it will not be traced to the elves. It is over."

Tabris did not know what to say and he asked, "Are you angry with me?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm just in shock."

He touched her hand. "You are still too cold."

Ever so delicately, he climbed onto the bed and brought her into his arms. She nestled under his chin and started to cry.

"I thought I was going to die there," she whispered, "like Mama nearly did. I thought they'd retaliate and all those deaths would be on me. That's why I gave myself up, right before I was recruited. There's always a price to pay and I was okay paying it. It's better than anyone else having to suffer for my mistakes. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have attacked him. I knew better."

"Kadan," he murmured, his voice so tender and sweet, "you need rest."

"They hate me, don't they?"

"No," he reassured. "They are relieved you are safe. None of them can judge your actions, for we all carry anger. But this is over, now. The man is dead, your family is safe, and you are free."

Tabris closed her eyes and he brought his hand to cradle her face.

"Rest," he murmured.

"What if they come?"

"They will not get past me, kadan," he promised. 

"There's always a price," she whispered. 

"And I have paid it for you," he said softly. "I would do anything to protect you. If I had known where they held you, there is not a man alive who could have kept me from you."

She smiled weakly into his skin. "I know."

"I do not know if this is the right time, but there is something I wish to do."

"What is it?" She asked. 

He leaned down, tilting her chin up, his mouth a breath from hers. She closed her eyes as their lips met. It was almost chaste, quick, but everything that lay behind it perfectly clear. She kissed him back, softer, tenderly. He kissed her forehead and brought her back to his chest. She could feel his heart racing.

"I cannot ignore what I feel for you," he murmured. "I know only that if you had died, I fear I might have died too. My heart is not strong enough without yours." 

"So what does that mean for us?" She asked, feeling like she might faint.

"That is whatever you wish, kadan," he said softly. "I do not know how to proceed."

"Me neither," she admitted. "I've never been good at love." 

At the word he bristled slightly, but she tried not to take it personally. He ran his fingers down her hip, resting his hand on her thigh. 

"Let's not call it that then," she corrected herself. 

"That is what it is," he said. "I should recognize it. There should be no more denial."

"Sten, is that your complicated way of telling me you love me?"

Sten said, "What I am saying is that I feel for you what I have for no other. I think of you so frequently it is like there is nothing else that matters. After all my years of abstaining, I find you so tempting that I break my resolve most nights in order just to function. I wish all my days to end by your side and to ensure that you want for nothing for all your life. You are where my sun rises and sets. You are my heart and my soul and I do not think I would survive our parting. If that is what you mean when you ask if I love you, then I do, Luthien, and I will hide it no more."

She kissed him hard, pulling him down to her. He groaned into her mouth, his hands grasping at her hips. She gently pushed at his chest and they parted, catching their breath. 

"That is the sweetest way anyone has told me that they jerk off to me," she teased.

"I do not know what that term means, but I assume you are making a crude joke in order to prevent admitting your own feelings."

She apologized, "I'm sorry. I warned you I'm no good at this."

She took a deep breath. "I don't trust a lot of people, Sten. I'm not an easy woman to get along with, I know that. But when you look at me, I feel like you see every bit of me and you understand it. And I see you trying to be a good man, which I think you are. We've both made mistakes and I think we get each other, better than anyone else. And yeah, you're also really sexy, I'm not going to lie about that. I just...you're the only person I want with me right now because I know you'll be honest with me, kind to me, and call me on my shit when I need you to. When you're with me, I feel whole, and I never thought I was going to feel like that again. So if we can make each other better people, we should be together, and I think that making out and feeling each other up can only improve that. Sorry, I'm the worst at this. I love you and I don't think I could love anyone else as much as I love you. But I want you to be happy and I only hope that I can because I don't think I'm good enough for you. But you make me want to be."

"I believe I understood about half of that confession," he said, "but I feel the same."

"Then let's give this a shot," she said softly, "but only if you want. I know that this is a big deal for you and as much as I love you, I know you made vows before you met me. You'd be giving up a lot more for me than I could ever give up for you."

"You have brought me peace, certainty. I could never have returned to the Qun without you regardless. I do not know how my faith will change, but that is not for you to decide. I will make sense of this in time. But it will not be easy for you. I am a stranger in these lands and not trusted. Your kind may not look upon me with anything other than contempt. It may not be an easy path to walk."

"I have a feeling it'll be worth it."

He smiled, that meek little smile of his that she adored. 

"Then let us talk no more of it for now," he said. "I believe it is not easy for either of us. Sleep now, kadan, and I will watch over you."

She nestled into him "You better not chicken out and try to convince me this was a dream when I wake up."

"I would not dare attempting."

"I love you," she murmured. "I should have just said that instead of rambling on."

"It is what I expected of you. One day when we are both practiced in contentment it will be easier for us to say how we truly feel directly and honestly."

"You're so much smarter than me," she said, yawning.

"I am older than you and this is my fourth language. I have learned to choose the words I use carefully. Even if they have been hurtful in the past, which I will always regret. You are a warrior, braver than most I have ever met and you lead well. Both these things are admirable and you have made me see them clearly. You are not the only one who needs to be "called on their shit," kadan."

She chuckled, "I guess not. You were being an asshole."

"I will try to be less so in the future."

She started to drift off and he kissed the top of her head. She knew he wasn't going to sleep and it comforted her. He would keep her safe. She could rest now. It was over, all of it. He would not try to rush her, not force her to ignore her feelings. There was not anyone else in her life who would understand so fully what it felt like to be trapped in a cage and wait for death. No one else who would regret their past actions, who blamed themselves for the destruction at their hands. He saw all the ways she was broken and he loved her. She could be vulnerable with him, weak with him, and he would never hurt her. Or at least try not to. Everyone was a dick once in awhile, happened to the best people. 

She didn't sleep easily, but she felt warmer.


	6. "You realize my father's going to make you marry me now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut! It's here!
> 
> Kink-meme prompt wanted beginning of relationship stuff. So here it is.

Sten didn't leave her side as she slept restlessly in his arms. Eventually she stirred when she heard a knock at the door.

Shianni asked softly, "Louie?"

Tabris replied, "What is it?"

"Aria's here."

Tabris shot out of bed and went into the living room. Her eldest nephew saw her and toddled over, demanding to be picked up. Tabris brought him into her arms, covering him with kisses. She looked over to see her sister sitting on the couch with their father who held his six month old grandson in his arms for the first time.

Shianni took Jaime from Tabris. The two sisters embraced, both in tears.

Aria started talking in a rush. "Highever was attacked. Halen's dead. I tried coming here with the boys but the Alienage was barricaded. We've been living in an inn just outside town for the last four months. Maker, Louie, I thought you were dead."

Tabris cradled her younger sister. "You have no idea how relieved I am to see you. I'm so sorry, Aria, about Halen. But you're okay. The boys are okay?"

"They're alright," Aria reassured, "and I'm okay. I miss him, but it's okay."

Tabris knew what she wanted to say, what she would have if they were alone. Halen was a good man, but she didn't love him. She had lost a friend, a partner, but she didn't grieve as a widow might. But she would never say that in front of the others, especially not Cyrion. It would have broken his heart.

"Can we go talk somewhere else?" Tabris asked. 

Aria nodded. "Okay, but not too far. Halen's a bit fussy with strangers, though he seems to like Dad."

"Everyone likes Cyrion," Tabris teased weakly. "Come on."

Tabris saw Sten come out of the bedroom and she promised, "I'll be back soon."

Sten nodded his head. "I will be fine, kadan."

Aria looked at Tabris with surprise as they went out into the community garden. It was mostly overrun, but it was their old place. Aria leaned against the outer wall of the neighbourhood and Tabris sat beside her.

"Did Dad tell you what happened?" Tabris asked quietly.

Aria nodded, closing her eyes. 

"He's dead," Tabris confided. 

"Good," Aria whispered. "Dad's furious that you risked your life, but I think he's just mourning Mom. He's been through a lot the last few years. I don't think he could handle losing you again."

"Will you stay in Denerim?" Tabris asked.

Aria said, "There's no reason to stay in Highever. I'll find work as a seamstress here again, but I don't know if we can stay in the Alienage. I don't imagine my sons will be welcome here looking so human."

"I can file down their ears," Tabris offered. 

Aria rolled her eyes. "There's a street not far from here where a lot of our people live outside the walls. I've been trying to get into an apartment there, but it's hard right now. I'll stay with Dad for a bit I guess."

Tabris held her hand. "Will you be alright on your own?"

Aria reassured, "I will. I have family here, that will help. And I feel...I can feel safe here now that he's dead. I know it's awful of me, but it does. I'm glad. Thank you. I can't imagine what it was like for you in that cell."

"I survived," Tabris said.

"You always seem to," Aria agreed. "So tell me, before my son starts crying and we have to go back in, was that a Qunari sleeping in your bedroom?"

Tabris flushed slightly. "He's been traveling with the Wardens. He's a friend. He's been comforting to have around lately. You know, being the size of a battering ram and having just as much charm tends to scare people away. Helps me get some sleep knowing he'd rip off a person's arms if they tried to wake me up."

"Dad said you had a whole bunch of companions with you. All of them could have protected you just as easily. Why him?" Aria prodded.

"I just got out of jail, our father was nearly sold into slavery, you became a widow and a single mother, our cousin is recovering from being assaulted, the world is basically ending and only me and one fool can save it, but this is what you want to talk about? Really, Aria? Really?" 

"Fine, whatever," Aria huffed, standing up. "I just thought...well, you could talk to anyone else about those things and I really don't want to think about them. But you don't talk to people about your feelings and I thought you might want to, especially before Dad starts interrogating your friend."

Tabris grabbed her hand, preventing her from leaving. "Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be an asshole."

"You never do, that's part of your charm," Aria muttered.

Tabris admitted, "I'm in love with him."

Her sister sat back down beside her in surprise and Tabris continued, "His faith forbids romance and he's been holding himself back, but with everything that happened in the last few days, he told me a few hours ago that he loves me too. Sten is the one good thing I've got going for me lately and I can't screw this up and I'm going to screw it up."

Aria admitted, "I'm not sure what to say right now."

Tabris shook her head. "It's okay...I just needed to say that. I know it's not going to work. Whenever the Blight's over, he'll have to go back to his people. I'm just glad that you all got to meet him so when I'm a sobby little shit at least you can remind me that he was a boring giant and force me to move on."

Aria laughed, "You're so romantic."

"It's part of my charm."

They both heard a baby cry and they stood up. Tabris hugged her sister.

"I'll be in Denerim for at least another week," Tabris promised. "We'll be able to talk more. I'm here for you, whatever you need."

"Right now, I need a babysitter," Aria admitted. "I've been pretty starved for adult company."

They came back into the house, surprised that the crying had stopped. They both looked in shock to see Sten holding Halen to his chest while Cyrion was cooking.

"My body temperature runs higher than yours," Sten explained. "The infant was cold and I was merely providing heat."

Halen sucked his thumb happily, gurgling. 

Aria took him back, shooting Tabris a glance. The Warden found herself blushing again briefly before sitting on the floor with Jaime who was playing with small wooden horses with Shianni. 

Sten cleared his throat. "I promised Alistair I would inform him when you woke. I will be back for the evening meal."

Tabris smiled at him. "I'll see you soon."

Once he left the house, all three adults turned to look at Tabris.

"So..." Shianni started.

Tabris sighed and affirmed, "Yes, I like him. He likes me. We're not dating or courting or even fooling around. So, let's just leave it for now."

"He's quiet," Cyrion commented from the kitchen. "I like that about him. Calm. You could use more calm in your life."

Shianni chuckled, "He's certainly handsome, but aren't you worried he might be a bit...too much for you."

Tabris groaned, "Conversation over, good talk, family."

***

Within the hour Sten returned with Alistair in tow. Her fellow Warden hugged her tightly, blurting out everything that had happened since she had been arrested and all his fears about the upcoming Landsmeet. Tabris promised to get back to work in the morning and invited him to eat with them.

Entering the living space for dinner, Alistair saw Aria for the first time. His little gasp grinded on her nerves, as while she was used to men being immediately attracted to her sister, it was still a source of irritation. However the longing in her glance back caught Tabris off guard.

"Aria, this is Alistair, he's the other Grey Warden everyone hates," Tabris said. "Alistair, this is my younger sister, Aria." 

"We've met before," Alistair said dreamily. 

Aria smiled. "A long time ago, yes. You look well."

"You look beautiful," Alistair blurted out.

"Before you start making eyes at each other over the table," Tabris interrupted, "you should know that she has two kids under the age of two and was recently widowed. Also, he might become the King of Ferelden in a few days. If you're both good with that, be my guest and-"

Seeing her nephew look up at her, Tabris changed her tone. "And make cookies." 

Cyrion asked, "I'm sorry, how do you know this man, love?"

"When I was journeying the first time to Highever there was a storm," Aria said. "My caravan stayed at his monastery for a night. He was kind enough to pray with me."

Tabris' mind suddenly added up everything she knew about the event, realizing how foolish she was for never figuring it out from both sides of their story. Her foolishly romantic best friend and her equally stupid sister were infatuated with each other. It was both disgusting and rather sweet. But also insured that she would never make fun of Alistair's virginity again. She didn't want to know. It was bad enough that she knew a ridiculous amount of details about his first kiss. 

At the end of the meal, Tabris agreed to go back to Arl Eamon's Estate where her companions were staying, even if to just give Aria and her family more room. Alistair walked back in a bit of a daze, grinning to himself.

"You're not about to go do something stupid, are you?" Tabris asked him.

"What do you mean?" Alistair asked, startled out of his daydreams.

"You know what I mean, Alistair. Focus on the Landsmeet, not whatever thoughts are going through that big goofy brain of yours. If you want to go court her, fine, but let's try to get you King first. Okay?"

Alistair said, "You don't understand-"

"Look, I get it and normally I'd tell you to go for it and screw whatever everyone else thinks. But I already blew up most of our good will, so maybe don't go elope with the widowed elf woman with two kids, okay? Especially the sister of the Grey Warden that's universally hated by nobility. Piss poor move and Eamon will tell you the same. So don't be an idiot, okay?"

Alistair stormed off and Tabris was pissed, marching up the stairs after him. She ignored her other companions as they tried to follow. Alistair slammed his door behind him and Tabris made a few rude gestures in frustration before stomping off herself.

A servant pointed her in the direction of the room readied for her. She went inside and shut the door, trying not to curse. She didn't know why she had gone off on him. She hadn't given a shit about the Landsmeet before. If Loghain got what was coming to him and people stopped trying to kill them, she was happy. And she liked Alistair, better than she had liked Halen. And she knew they had been pining for each other for four years in their stupid dopey lovey dovey way. And he loved babies. He'd love being a dad instantly. They'd be happy in a stupid little hut somewhere with a billion more babies and dogs and grow old and fat together.

She was pouring a drink of rum for herself when the door opened. She turned around, worried it was Alistair, but finding Sten. She put the glass on the end table. 

"Sorry," she apologized, "I'm not in a good mood and I might yell at you too. You might want to go hang out with someone else for awhile."

"You are upset," he murmured.

"No shit," she laughed, sitting on the bed. "I've got a lot on my plate right now."

Sten sat beside her. "Are you...jealous?"

"What? No," she reassured. "Not like that, you know that. It's just...this is shitty, Sten. I want to be with you, but its like...we don't get an instant happily ever after. And I don't want to have to explain that to people if we tell them about us. And they'd find out, yeah, and we'd get these looks. Either they'd think we're idiots or they'd pity us. My perfect beautiful sister just had the love of her life walk in at the perfect moment and my father will adore him, I know it. And it had to be now, just when I'm trying to get the sense of what we are together. Sten-"

She felt like she was out of breath by the time he interrupted her with a kiss.

"We are not anyone else but ourselves, kadan," he murmured. "I fear their judgment too, but I know how I feel for you."

She took his hand and leaned on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Your father and I talked for a time," Sten said. "I think you would be surprised at his reaction to the thought of our...relationship."

"Oh?" Tabris asked. "Did he start picking out china patterns?"

Sten explained, "He said that he wanted you to be happy, as he always has. I swore to protect you and he believed me. Perhaps I am not what you expected for a mate, but do not set me aside because you fear the reactions of others."

"Sten, it's not like that."

He asked gruffly, "Then tell me what it is, kadan. Why are you angry?"

"Because we can't have that," she said angrily. "Because it's never going to be easy for us and I just want something to be simple for once in my goddamn life. I just want to look at you and know what you're thinking. I want to just know that when I wake up in the morning that you're still going to be there. I just want people to not make a big deal about us, just accept it and move on. I just want to be with you and not have anything else matter."

"Are you done?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm done," she spat.

He kissed her hard and she groaned, pulling at his clothes. They barely got themselves naked before they grinded against the other, their hands touching and grasping any part they could reach.

Sten pulled back, catching his breath. "This is not wise. I do not want to hurt you."

"Shut up," she whispered, slipping her hand between them.

She easily got her hand around his cock but it was a close call. She jerked him hard and he kissed her hungrily, pulling her tightly to him. 

"We'll work up to it," she panted. "Just let me take care of you."

He bucked against her, kissing her just as hard, his hands buried in her hair as she slid further down his body to get a better grip. She thought about taking him into her mouth but she had a sudden realization that she knew nothing about Qunari anatomy. He might choke her if she wasn't careful. 

He didn't last much longer, practically growling as he came onto her belly. At the sheer volume of his seed, she suspected she had made the right call. Sten pulled her up to kiss her, his fingers brushing against her ears in a way that nearly made her shudder.

"What can I do?" He asked desperately.

"Touch me," she whispered.

He flipped her so her back was against his front, his softening cock brushing against her thigh. He hesitated at first before running his hands down her hips and between her legs. At simple the brush of his fingers against her lips made her shiver. She was already incredibly wet and he moaned, feeling her arousal. Then he slowly slid a finger inside of her.

She half wanted to yowl. Despite how turned on she was, it was still a thick finger. She adjusted it to it quickly, but a brief wave of panic went through her. Maybe they weren't physically compatible and she was about to find out the hard way. 

"Are you alright?" He murmured.

"I'm okay," she reassured. 

His thumb instinctively brushed against her clit and she trembled. He took it to be a good sign and circled it lightly, thrusting his finger in and out of her slowly. With any other man, it would have been torture and she'd have snapped at him to get going. But this was oddly sweet. He wasn't teasing her, he was trying to be gentle. And honestly if he got too wild, she was going to have a very awkward conversation with a healer the next day.

His other hand cupped her breast and he sighed, kissing the back of her neck. She relaxed slightly, curling into his touch. When a second finger entered her, she nearly screamed out but not in pain. She thrust herself against him and he growled into her skin, gripping onto her possessively. 

She rarely came from just being fingered but she came then, hard. She felt him growing thick against her and she was so tempted to beg him to take her, but the size of him was still too daunting.

He continued pleasuring her and she called out his name desperately. She could feel him rubbing his cock against her and she pressed back on him. Oh she wanted him inside of her but the mere thought also caused her body to tense around his fingers. She gently pushed his hand away and turned around, giving his cock those last few strokes before he spurted onto her skin, dripping into the sheets. He rolled onto his back, gasping and she straddled him, rubbing her own clit hard until she unwound. Sten could only moan as he watched, pulling her down to kiss her when she was sated. They rolled onto the sheets together, both wanting more but not able to give it. Eventually Sten kissed her and rose.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

"I need to wash and to meditate," he admitted. "But it was..."

"Good?"

"I do not know the word in Common to explain how I feel. The closest I have is high."

Tabris grinned. "I'm assuming since you don't take intoxicants you're comparing me to fighting a dragon or something."

He smirked and pointed to a bruise underneath his collarbone. "You both leave as many teeth marks."

"Come back for a second," she said, reaching out for his hand.

He returned to her side, kneeling on the floor to kiss her fingers one by one.

"I love you," she murmured.

He whispered, "I love you too."

"You realize my father's going to make you marry me now."

Sten's eyes widened and she laughed, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. If anything, I despoiled you. The Arishok should be demanding me to do the decent thing."

She realized she had just said something stupid but Sten chuckled. She smiled in nervous relief. 

"I should clean up too," she said, swinging her legs off the bed. 

But the instant she put them down, a twinge went through her thigh and pubic bone. She smiled through it, hoping Sten wouldn't notice as he dressed to leave. 

"Would you mind sending Morrigan up when you're downstairs?" Tabris asked cheerfully. "I wanted to ask her opinion on something."

Sten nodded. "As you wish."

A few moments later, Tabris had managed to mostly wipe herself down and throw on a shirt, but was unable to do more for her legs than slide her underwear back on. Morrigan entered the room and her eyes widened.

"Warden, are you alright?" She asked. 

"I think I pulled something in my hip and I can't stand up," she whispered painfully.

Morrigan started laughing. "You know I'm not a healer-"

"I don't care if you turn me into a frog to fix it. I'm not explaining to Wynne how I did this and I don't want Sten to know or he'll never touch me again. Help me up."

Morrigan leaned down and Tabris put her arm around her, pulling herself up. She winced as she put her other foot down.

"May I suggest warming up first next time?" Morrigan asked in amusement. "Some light stretching perhaps?" 

"Shut up," Tabris muttered.

"It seems Sten was right. Qunari copulation seems to be...brutal."

"It was only a bit of hand action. I'm screwed, aren't I?"

"Clearly you have been."

"I hate you."

"I know. Maybe you can do some research on the subject. I did see a few volumes in the library. It seems a relative of Eamon's had a fetish for the species."

Tabris sighed, "It's worth a shot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, I had to include the other Tabris and her love life too because everyone should be happy. This has become so self indulgent, I'm so sorry.


	7. "Look...Zev....you've been around."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatever blessed person thought of this move in their kinkmeme prompt deserves a medal.

For the sake of science, Tabris investigated the texts that Morrigan mentioned. Very few were helpful since they were mostly fiction and about strapping Tevinter mages bedding their eternal enemies, the Qunari. Tabris had no taste for reading about slavers getting their rocks off, so she skipped most of these. Besides, the height difference between a human and a Qunari was significantly less than between a Qunari and an elf. She needed more accurate findings.

Which is how she ended up in Zevran's room.

The assassin was polishing his daggers when Tabris came in, closing the door quietly behind her. He looked up at her in amusement. "I was wondering when you would come by, dear Warden. Your limp seems better."

"Morrigan told you?" Tabris sighed.

Zevran chuckled. "Your lover's voice carries. Quite far. If it wasn't for your injury, I would have suspected that you needed no help."

"Look...Zev....you've been around."

"That is a very charitable way of saying that."

"Have you ever been with a guy who's a lot bigger than you? Like...a lot bigger."

Zevran put down his daggers. "How large?"

Tabris flushed and closed her eyes as she pulled hands apart and then made a circle with her fingers. Zevran started coughing.

Tabris put her hands down and took a breath. "Thoughts?"

"There was one man a few years ago. We only had a few encounters but he was...formidable, shall we say. It is daunting, no? You prepare yourself but when the time comes, you just..."

Zevran clenched his fist tightly and Tabris nodded sheepishly.

"You could always use your mouths," he suggested.

"That works better for him than it does for me," she pointed out, reminding him of the size. "My jaw gets tired and I don't want to bite him."

"Yes, I imagine that would be unpleasant," he agreed. "Do you think that you could take him if you were properly prepared?"

"Maybe," she said, "but I'm worried about him being too rough. Not that he'd try to hurt me, but you know if he gets excited and I'm carried away, it might not end well. Mainly for me. But maybe him too."

"Well, there is an easy way to fix that," Zevran said. "Tie him up."

"Sorry, what?"

"That is what I did years ago," he explained. "I bound his hands together behind his back and sat him against the headboard. You could even tie them to a bedpost, that might be easier with a man of his strength."

"That got kinky quickly."

"I'm just being practical," Zevran said. "It was quite pleasurable and he certainly did not complain."

Tabris thanked him awkwardly and left the room before he could say more. If this was going to work, she needed some equipment, and she didn't want to buy it any place she might be recognized. 

***

Tabris waited nervously in her room, pulling down her nightshirt slightly. Sten would be there any moment. She double-checked the drawer of her end table to make sure she had everything and then sat back down on the bed, looking at her fingernails to make sure they weren't too sharp.

By the time he finally came in, she was a wreck.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"Nervous," she admitted.

He knelt before her and kissed her softly. She twisted one of braids around her finger and he brushed his hands past her ears, gripping lightly into her hair. 

"Your day has been well?" He asked, his thumbs still stroking the tips of her ears. "The preparations for the Landsmeet have had no more difficulties?"

It was hard to concentrate, his tender motions sending shivers down her spine. Someone else apparently had been doing his homework. 

"No, it's going just fine," she whispered.

She kissed him, untying the stays of his shirt. They parted only long enough for him to slip it over his head and toss it to the ground. One hand slid up her thigh slowly, the other still massaging that every so sensitive peak. He groaned as his fingers touched her bare hip and ass. 

"I did not know I was capable of such lust," he whispered breathily. 

He pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her naked before him. He kissed both of her breasts, taking one lightly into his mouth. And then he kissed down her chest, his hands gripping her hips. She slid closer to the edge of the bed, leaving her sex bare to him. He kissed it ever so softly, still gaining the feel for the motion. He licked and sucked, growing slowly more aggressive, more dominant. Her legs wrapped around his head and she threw her head back, gripping into the sheets. She flooded his mouth and he drank her down with a heady moan.

She could hear him undo his pants and guessed that he was taking his cock in his hand. It had been their way these past few days and while he was learning very quickly how to get her off with just his hands and mouth, she wanted more. She wanted all of him.

"Sten," she whispered, "get on the bed."

He did so and pushed her on her back, kissing her hungrily.

"Do you trust me?" She asked.

"With my life," he swore.

"Sit against the headboard for me, please."

He did so, unfazed. She opened the drawer and pulled out the leather straps. Sten raised and eyebrow. "You mean to contain me?"

"I want to be in control when you're inside me," she explained.

He nodded, his cock twitching. She took a deep breath as she restrain his arms to the back bedposts, the canopy slightly shaking as she did so. He pulled on them lightly, but they did not budge. 

She grabbed the bottle of oil and took her time coating him, stroking him tenderly. Finally, she straddled him, his cock brushing just against her entrance.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

"Are you?" 

"No," she admitted with a nervous laugh.

He murmured, "I would follow you anywhere, kadan, even to the places that I fear."

She brought him into her hand and parted her lips, letting the head pop its way in. They both gasped and she could see Sten resist the urge to thrust up into her. She rubbed her clit, relaxing as she ever so slowly lowered herself onto him. He kissed her hard as she settled on a rhythm, shallowly thrusting up and down, bringing him in deeper each time. They were panting heavily as she neared the base and her body shook, threatening to unravel again. She picked up her pace and he was seated in her. She gasped, looking down to see him fully enveloped in her. Sten was biting his lip, his fingers gripping into the restraints. She waited until his eyes met hers before she began to move again.

She was so full and thick of him, she felt like she might burst. The oil and foreplay had worked well enough that it didn't hurt, but she definitely felt friction. Each thrust was a shock to her system, threatening to push her past her breaking point. She put her hands against the headboard, using this new leverage to ride him harder and faster.

Sten moved as close as he could to her, straining against his binding. She could hear him moaning something in Qunlat, but she was too focused on her own pleasure to even attempt to translate. With his breath against her neck, her breasts brushing against his chest, and her pussy utterly strained with his cock, she came, screaming. She clenched down hard around him and her vision almost went white. She called his name again and again and she felt him thrusting into her, whispering her name into her skin. The bedposts were shaking as he tried his best to pound into her and she threw her arms and his neck, riding out her crest.

And suddenly the bedposts containing him snapped in half. Just before the canopy fell on them, he cradled her in his arms and protected her. The frame fell down around them, but left the mattress relatively unscathed.

She kissed him and he thrust into her, gripping her hips. 

She groaned into his ear. "Please." 

She wrapped her legs around him the best she could as his presence took over her every sense. All she could smell was him, all she could taste and breathe was him. She was entirely enraptured by his body moving hers, by his body utterly possessing her. It grew nearly painful now, their skin slapping against the other's, but he was getting close, she hear him growling.

He practically roared as he finished, slamming deep into her. Her body trembled around his as he thrust too quickly, clutching at the peaks of his orgasm. He kissed her hard and she wrapped herself around him.

"Are you hurt?" He whispered.

Tabris would have bet good money that there would be some specks of blood in the sheets, but she shook her head. He probably meant him destroying the bed.

She started to ask, "How are you..."

He nuzzled against her. "I am at utter peace, kadan. I have given myself to you so fully and it sits well in my heart. I was created for this. It is part of my purpose."

"I love you," she murmured.

He kissed her neck. "The leather was not a wise decision, however. My wrists are rather sore and I believe the bed frame may have splintered in my shoulder."

"At least you can walk," she teased.

"That remains to be seen. You were not so gentle yourself."

"Can I stay in your room tonight while they fix my bed?"

Sten grinned. "Only if I have you on the floor, as to not cause further inconvenience to the staff."

She winced as she shifted towards the edge of the broken bed. "I think I may not be capable of that tonight, but points for enthusiasm. I need a bath, badly."

"I like how you smell now," he murmured.

He shifted and kissed up her back, sitting behind her. His fingers dipped between her thighs and she shivered slightly before standing up and grabbing her nightshirt. She turned to see the utter longing in his eyes and it was hard not to smile.

"Well, I guess if the bed's already broken..."


	8. "Please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved this prompt but including it suddenly made things angsty but I know where I'm going from here.

Tabris felt surprisingly well in the morning, considering she half expected that her back would be out or her leg broken or something. Sten was already awake, meditating naked by the window, the light on his face. Tabris smiled, pulling the blankets around her. She looked at him fondly, not wanting to disturb him. He seemed to sense her and he opened his eyes, a smile crossing his lips.

"Good morning," he said softly.

"Good morning," she echoed.

He climbed onto the bed with her and kissed her, bringing her into his arms. The kisses grew more heated and she put her hands on his chest. He pulled away, pressing his forehead to hers.

She apologized, "I'm still a little shaky after last night."

"There is no hurry, kadan," he murmured. "I am content looking upon you."

"I feel like I should give you a present," she said teasing. "It's fairly traditional in Ferelden to give jewelry to someone when you've taken their virginity. Spoiled goods and all that. That way you'll have something to pawn when I dump you. So what would you like, Sten? Is there something traditional for your people besides a stern talking to?"

Sten rolled his eyes, a gesture he had recently picked up from her. "It may surprise you to know that the Qunari do give gifts to loved ones." 

"Oh?"

"This is a tradition we have, one that has fallen by the wayside in Seheron. We take a tooth of a fierce creature; preferably a dragon but we have few in my country. The person who slays the beast cuts it in half and presents one half to a loved one. They keep the other. Both wear it as a token of devotion to the other."

"That almost sounds like wedding rings. Like really badass Qunari wedding rings."

He shook his head. "It began as that, perhaps, but it is a token of...we don't have a word that translates other than a kadan. It is recognition of the other half of one's soul. It is a bond that is respected, an oath only second to the Qun itself."

"Well, I am planning on killing the Archdemon at some point," she said. "I think that would probably count as a fierce creature, right?"

Sten chuckled. "Do not get ahead of yourself. Perhaps I will slay it."

"You wouldn't dare," she protested. 

She smacked him with her pillow and he rolled her underneath him. His hands and mouth were on her again. While she wasn't entirely prepared for another encounter, she didn't mind fooling around a little bit. 

***

The Landsmeet was only a few days away and while Alistair was busy schmoozing with nobility with Leliana, everyone in the party agreed that it was probably best to keep Tabris as far away from the events as possible. So she those days she did what she was best at: petty crime. She was spending her time at bars, meeting up with old contacts, hearing what was going on in the streets. If there was going to be a plot to assassinate Alistair before the Landsmeet, she was going to destroy it before the words "I have an idea" crossed any idiot's lips.

Of course, Sten was there too. He had been...possessive since they had made their relationship more intimate. Not too badly, it's not like he snapped at anyone who looked at her, he just was protective of her. He assured her that he found her just as capable as before, but she got the sense it was some weird Qunari bonding thing that his people had been trying to weed out. It worked anyways, for the most part. There were enough Tal Vasoth running around that it wasn't unreasonable for Tabris to have hired one as a mercenary. In all her intel collecting, it never occurred to Tabris that someone might make a move against her. She was small potatoes, after all, and she was used to working on her toes. 

On the second last day before the Landsmeet, Tabris visited a rundown dive named the Mounting Mabari. After an hour or so, Sten left the tavern, promising to stay by. She couldn't blame him. She could barely stand the place, he must have despised it. She cut the visit short and met briefly with an associate from her teen years that she had been looking for. The two chatted for a moment before Tabris left, looking for Sten in the side street. She saw him further ahead in confrontation with two other Qunari. They seemed to be taunting him, but Sten was not responding.

Until one of them pulled Asala from her sheath.

Tabris could just barely hear "so this shouldn't bother you then, merc? My profane fingers over your sacred sword. Your soul in my blood drenched hands-"

Sten snapped the Tal Vasoth's neck and the second attacked him, knocking him to the ground. The merc grabbed Asala and held it at Sten's throat. 

Tabris had already been running to him at this point and she made it to his side just in time to deflect Asala away with Fang. Tabris bashed the man back and he fought back, the sharp blade nearly slicing her shield in two. She slammed her shield forward into his face, breaking his nose. He dropped Asala on the ground and ran. Tabris chased after him, screaming obscenities, but eventually caught her breath. She went back the way she came, picking Asala up. She was about to make a joke about her retrieving it twice when suddenly Sten slammed her against the wall.

It took her a half second to realize that his intentions were not amorous. His eyes were full of ire, and his hands pressed against her throat. She dropped the blade and slapped him hard across the face. Sten growled and let go. She fell to the ground coughing as he put Asala in her proper place. He slammed his fist against the brick wall, his breath short and hot. He looked at her in both fear and hate. 

"You're okay," she reassured. "Asala's safe, you're okay. It's just me."

He came closer to her and the momentary fear that he might hurt her subsided. He was in the midst of a frenzy but somewhere in his mind he knew who she was. He needed to be anchored and words weren't going to cut it. 

Tabris pulled him into the space between houses and she kissed him. He pinned her in that small space, biting down her neck and tearing through her leggings. He kissed her bruised skin and pulled down his pants just enough to get his cock free. 

She whispered in his ear, "Stay here with me. I'm right here." 

He kissed her almost tenderly, seeming to understand her even if he couldn't speak. She threw her legs around him and he thrust into her, harder than she would have preferred but gentler than she expected. One hand against the wall, the other gripping her ass, Sten pounded into her, biting into her shoulder to muffle his cries. 

It hurt. There was no way around that. She felt like she was having her hymen torn all over again. But it was still Sten. He loved her, adored her, and if she told him to stop he would. She could see in his eyes the man she loved was there and he was fighting to break through the surface of his rage. 

He kissed her, his hand cradling her head from hitting the wall. His thumb brushed against her ear so tenderly she almost couldn't believe it came from the same man as the one who was screwing her into next week. He came suddenly and he grunted, as if it surprised even him. His breathing slowed and he ever so gently helped her to her feet. He seemed dazed as she dressed. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. She put her hand on his shoulder and he tossed her off, relacing his trousers. 

"Are you okay?" She asked.

He shook his head a fraction of an inch.

"Let's get you back home," she said. "We'll just take it easy and I could use a bit of lotion for all the scrapes."

She meant the last part as a joke but he opened his eyes and his mouth opened.

He whispered almost fearfully, "Kadan."

She felt the blood on her neck and she blotted it away. It wasn't really anything. 

"I've been hurt worse during sex," she said, shrugging. "There was this bruiser I used to go out with. Man, Sten, you don't want to know what he was into."

"I could have killed you," he said.

"I'm fine," she reassured, reaching for his hand.

He pulled away. "You should return to Eamon's estate." 

"Sten-"

For the first time in all those terrible months together, she could see a tear fall down his cheek. It broke her heart.

"Please," she begged. 

Ashamed, he walked away. She considering running after him, but she knew it was best if she didn't. The best thing she could do was what he asked of her.

***

Tabris was surprisingly productive when she got back. She had a long conversation with Oghren who had some oddly insightful thoughts about controlling rage and how the Beserkers used it for their own power. He promised to talk about it with Sten-whenever he got back. She went to Wynne who confirmed that she was indeed not hurt and the mage lectured her on birth control. After she died of embarrassment, her instinct brought her to Zevran, the only other person she knew who had witnessed the war in Seheron.

The conversation was brief and a look fell upon his face that she had never expected from him: fear. It told her everything she needed to know and she apologized for bringing it up. There was disease among her mother's generation and the one before, the ones who had fought for Ferelden's independence. They called it the Tremours. Adaia struggled with it when Tabris was a baby, or so Cyrion told her later on. It was a disease of memory, of strong people being torn by the past. It was nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be fearful of. But sometimes it made people who loved deeply act with anger and sometimes they hurt people they loved.

Sten had served in Seheron for most of his adult life where his weapon was the only tool that kept him from certain death. A weapon his faith told him held his own soul. The frenzy...it all made sense to her. It was something she wanted to talk to him about, but he wasn't there. The Tremours could be treated. He didn't have to be afraid of it, he could overcome it or at the very least control it. 

She worried for him, not knowing where he was or what he was doing. She sat in the dining hall, her glass of whiskey sitting untouched in front of her. She wasn't sure when Morrigan forced her to go to bed, but she knew she practically wrestled the witch to try to stay in her seat.

Despite the fact she was staying in his room, she didn't see Sten that night.


	9. "I'm not enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the rest of this for a long time is not filling any prompts just my sad Qunari headcanons playing out.

Tabris was in the midst of strategizing with the others over breakfast when Sten came in. All of the companions turned and utter quiet filled the room. Tabris dropped her fork and followed him out without explaining herself. Sten did not speak until he reached the library. He purposely left the door open when she followed him inside.

Tabris had no idea what to say to him and she waited until he finally spoke.

"I am sorry," he murmured.

"Sten-"

He put up his hand to cut her off. "It is not easy for me to say what I must, kadan. Please...please just let me say it."

"Only if you let me speak after," she insisted.

He nodded and she said, "Go ahead."

She was suddenly conscious of how far away he was from her. Even he with his long arms could not touch her if he stretched out. Her chest tightened.

Sten admitted, "I am not well. Among my kind...even soldiers do not serve in the same place for a long time. There is time for rest, to heal. But once they allowed me to return to Seheron, I had no wish to abandon it. I fought longer than I should have and I was...I am tired. I considered becoming reeducated, but I was proud, and thought that I knew better, that I was not weak. When I came here and...you know what I did to get into that cage. And then I met you. I swore that I would become the man you thought I was, the man I could be. But..."

"I'm not enough," she said.

"I do not trust myself, kadan," he murmured. "This anger, this fear...I do not know how to control it. And I will not put you in danger, never again."

"Sten, we can work on this," she explained. "Maybe your people have another name for it, we call it the Tremours. You're sick and you need help. You can get better."

"I know I can," he replied softly. "And after I report to the Arishok, I will."

A rush of anger flooded her. "You'll give yourself over to those butchers? You don't need to be rewritten, you just need healing. Sten, don't do it. If you stay here, we can help you. You can stay you."

"The man I am hurts those he has sworn to protect," Sten whispered, his voice cracking. "He is unable to keep his men alive. He breaks the woman he loves and makes her bleed. You deserve a better man than I, Luthien. It is better this way, for us both."

"Don't make me slap you again," she growled. "Sten, talk to Oghren. Honestly, talk to him. I know he's a drunken fool, but I honestly think he can help you. And I'm here and I'm fine. I need you here."

Sten said, "I will stay as your soldier, kadan, and I will speak to that buffoon in order to serve you better. But...but that is all I can be for you."

"You're breaking up with me," she said, hating the gasp that came out of her mouth.

Sten bowed his head. "I am sorry."

Tabris wanted to scream, but the only words that came to mind were pleas. _But I love you. Don't leave me. I can't do this without you. I love you. I love you. I love you._

Sten kissed her forehead and left the room. Tabris slammed the door behind him and started crying. She was exhausted and scared and sad and if she had a bed that actually was functional, she might have crawled into it and hidden there. But she had to keep going. So she let herself cry, just for a minute, before she composed herself and finished her breakfast silently.

*** 

The Landsmeet was the next morning and while she hadn't slept at all the night before, her nervousness made it impossible for her to rest. It was basically a done deal. Unless she or Alistair really screwed up, Loghain was going to finally get dead and Alistair would be king. Everyone happy.

Except for Alistair, moping around about her sister. Which she hated him for. Oh no, the beautiful prince and the beautiful woman can be together but are choosing not to because they're stupid and morals and values and everything. While she was heartbroken because the man she loved was incredibly ill and decided that he was going to wipe his memories and personality clean in order to get better. Not because he was scared (from what she heard reeducation was a real bitch). But because he didn't think he was worth saving. 

And honestly, she didn't have much she could argue with. He was brave, kind, smart, and (very rarely) funny. He made her a better leader. And she was madly in love with him. Disgustingly in love with him. Wanted to carve their names in a tree and pick out baby names in love with him. But none of that would convince him and she knew it. He would refuse to find anything redeeming in himself. This was the man who sat for weeks starving to death in a cage, who gave himself up, who accepted death because he had strongly believed that he was not capable of atonement.

It was something he was going to have to do on his own and he wasn't going to let her help. So she just had to hope he'd have some amazing insight and change his mind. Seemed unlikely though, knowing him as she did.

As the dusk came upon them, Alistair and Tabris retired to Eamon's office and started drinking in silence. Neither of them wanted to burden the other with their problems, but the air was tense with their mutual misery. Eventually Alistair left and Tabris decided to go back to her father's house. 

On the night that her mother had died, Tabris had climbed up to the roof and sat vigil all night, fearful that the guards would come for her and her sister. It became a habit when she was nervous or just needed to think. So that night Tabris climbed up to the roof with her bottle of bad rum and watched the streets.

Someone must have heard her because a few minutes later someone else climbed up. Shianni waved and Tabris patted the spot beside her.

"What's wrong?" Her cousin asked.

Tabris told her in short snapped sentences. Shianni only listened and when Tabris finished talking, she asked, "Are you staying up all night? You should sleep."

"Maybe I should," Tabris murmured, rubbing her eyes.

"Come on, you can stay in my room with me," she offered. "Even if just an hour or two. You need rest."

Tabris agreed and climbed down with her. The house was fairly quiet, though she could hear Aria talking to someone in her room. Cyrion was definitely asleep, she could hear him snoring. 

Tabris went into Shianni's room, surprised to see Jaime asleep on a cot on the floor. 

Shianni whispered, "Halen's been crying a lot at night and the poor thing keeps getting woken up. Come on."

It was awkward stepping over him in the tiny room, but Tabris made it over to Shianni's bed. The two curled up and her cousin almost immediately fell asleep. Tabris took longer, but watching her nephew sleep peacefully was enough to finally convince her to shut her eyes.

***

Jaime stirred in the early dawn but Tabris was already awake so she picked him up and brought him into the living room with her. She started making porridge for them both, bouncing him on her hip and humming to him. 

Aria's door opened and she turned to greet her sister. Instead her eyes went large when she saw Alistair exit. The two Wardens stared at each other, not wanting to say anything in front of the toddler. 

"So..." Alistair said sheepishly. "I'll see you back-um-"

"Yes, you should probably get ready," Tabris said, gritting her teeth. "We'll talk about this later, I guess."

Jaime babbled something about pancakes but Tabris shushed him with a kiss to the forehead.

Tabris asked, "How is Halen doing, Alistair?"

"He was sleeping in his grandfather's room," Alistair answered quickly. "I haven't seen him yet tonight."

Tabris stopped glaring at him. "Good."

"Good."

Alistair snuck out of the house and Tabris sighed, rolling her eyes. She finished making breakfast and fed Jaime. Eventually the rest of the household got up and made themselves a bowl as well. Aria was grinning, but wouldn't make eye contact with her sister. Tabris was disgusted with her happiness, though she felt bad about it. Didn't she know this wasn't going to end well? 

When Tabris finished eating, she kissed her family goodbye and got ready to go back. Jaime cried and she held him again. 

"What's wrong, baby?" She asked softly.

Aria explained, "He gets upset when he thinks people are upset. I think he thinks it’s his fault and he's done something wrong."

"Hey, little guy, you're not supposed to be that much of a martyr until you're older," Tabris teased, forcing a smile. "It's okay, baby. I'll come back later and we'll play and bother your Mom. Does that sound fun?"

Jaime rested his head on her shoulder and Tabris looked out on her family, having a sudden fear that she was looking at them for the last time. She handed Jaime over to her sister and walked out the door. 

***

Tabris didn't give a rat's ass about politics. All she cared about was that at the end of the day, Loghain was dead and Alistair was going to be king. Mission accomplished. 

They both assumed they would have some time to celebrate, but they were quickly informed that they would have to head west immediately. Eamon's forces had to be rallied and there had been a possible sighting of the Archdemon. 

Tabris readied her gear quickly and sought out Sten. The Qunari was in the courtyard, meditating on a bench as the autumn leaves gently fell around him. She placed her hand on his shoulder and he looked at her.

"Are you ready to go?" She asked.

"I will stay here, kadan," he said quietly. 

She was stunned. "What?"

"Many of our allies are already on their way to Denerim. A few of our companions have elected to stay behind to wait for them. The dwarven army will be here within a day's time and Oghren will lead them to Redcliffe after. It is better if I stay and continue to learn from him."

"You promised to be by my side until the end," she said angrily.

"I know," he said softly. "That has not been an easy decision to make, but I know I am...I am not strong enough."

She sat down beside him, seeing the weariness in his eyes. If she ordered him or begged him, he would come with her. He would die for her. But this was a positive sign. He wanted to live. He wanted to get better. And he would be safer here. 

She asked, "Can I kiss you?"

He admitted, "It is better if you do not, kadan. It would weaken my resolve."

He took her hand in his, reminding her how much bigger he was than her. These were the same hands that had touched her throat and she suddenly understood. He did not trust himself. He was scared of what he was capable of.

"I love you," he murmured.

And this hurt her more than anything else he could have said, but it was what she needed to hear. She wanted those to be his last words to her.

"I love you," she whispered.

She touched his cheek and rose, entering the castle again. She said nothing as she packed her things in the caravan. There was nothing else she could say.


	10. "If true loves must part, then all must part."

They had been in Redcliffe less than two hours before they realized they had been tricked. The horde was marching upon Denerim. It was night, but both Wardens were willing to start running. When they knew it wasn't a possibility, Tabris went to bed, even though Riordan said he had to speak to them both. She was exhausted and whatever he needed to say could wait until morning.

She would find out years later what happened that night. Aria knew first but kept it to herself, as she had promised Alistair she would. Tabris knew she would have tried to stop Alistair then, but knew that he had done what he could to protect both her and her family. If she were biologically capable, she would have done the very same thing.

Their companions marched ahead of the army, desperate to get back to Denerim as soon as possible. Boned tired, the Wardens breached the city and fought their way through the darkspawn, fueled only by adrenaline. They tracked down the generals and slayed them, hoping to buy Riordan time to kill the archdemon.

It was then they both sensed the presence of a massive ogre in the Alienage. It was hard to know who made it there first of the two of them.

Tabris saw Shianni on a rooftop and then noticed the rest of the militia on the ground, barricading the entrances as best they could. They ran for the Tabris family home, wanting to ensure their safety before moving on. 

It was then she saw Sten. 

Sten was just ahead of the barricade, a one-man army slaying any darkspawn who dared to approach. The archers slowed the rest down as the elves worked quickly to try to build a wall. Tabris climbed over and leapt to the other side, calling his name.

He grinned at the sight of her. "You're late, Warden."

She hit her sword to her shield. "Better late than never. I hope you saved some for me. I'm just warming up."

They fought side by side, staving off the invasion until the barricade was complete. They both tried to catch their breath, leaning on the other.

The ground shook and they looked up, seeing the ogre, so much bigger than the last. Another group of darkspawn swarmed with him, heading straight to the gates. They fought back as hard as they could, but the barricade was destroyed. Over the roar of the darkspawn, she turned to order Sten to protect her family, but he was already moving towards the residences. 

Alistair replaced him and the pair took down the ogre, dispersing the rest of the horde. Tabris helped the injured to safety, only vaguely hearing someone call her name. She finally looked towards her family home.

Sten was leaning against the doorframe, an arrow through his chest. She ran to his side and he reached out to touch her face. Aria cut through his armour to have a better look at the wound and Shianni apologized in a stream, "It was supposed to hit me. He's been fighting all night, he's tired, I should have been watching his back, I'm so sorry, Louie, I'm so sorry."

Sten murmured something in Qunlat, his eyes fluttering slightly.

Tabris said quietly, "He says that it's okay, Shianni. He's not upset with you. You've fought bravely."

Aria revealed the injury, the arrow clearly through his lung. He coughed up blood. 

"He needs a healer," Aria said, "one with better skill than me."

"You were supposed to be with the dwarves," she lectured. "You were supposed to be staying out of the fighting, remember?"

He said in Qunlat, _I made a promise._

Aria insisted, "I think we can save him, but we need to move him."

Shianni, Tabris, and Alistair managed to get him inside and lying on the couch. Cyrion went to get a healer, but Sten stopped him, putting his hand on his arm.

Tabris translated, tears streaming down her cheeks. "He says that your healers should focus on ones they can save."

Alistair ordered, "There's a mage in our group, she's not that far from here. Go and find her. She can stay here with him. The two of us are tough, we can survive without her for a little while."

Tabris smiled at him weakly before looking back to Sten, who whispered something to her, squeezing her hand. His other hand cupped her face.

"Don't talk," she ordered. "Just rest, help will be here soon."

"I thought he spoke Common," Aria said, cleaning the wound. "It's not going to be very helpful if I don't understand him."

"His body is preserving energy," Tabris explained quietly. "He's talking in Qunlat because he can't focus on anything else."

Sten added something and she laughed weakly, "And he doesn't want his last words to be in our ugly language."

Sten closed his eyes and Tabris demanded, "No. Stay here."

Both she and Alistair raised their heads, hearing the archdemon crying in the sky. Tabris looked back to Sten.

He murmured, _You must go. It is time._

She replied, "I'm not leaving you."

 _Please._

Tabris' heart sank in her chest. "I love you."

He said nothing, but she understood. There wasn't an equivalent phrase in his language. With bloodied lips, he kissed her hand. 

"We'll do everything we can," Aria promised. "Go."

Alistair practically had to drag her away. Wynne passed them on the way in and a few others joined them rushing towards Fort Drakon. Tabris may not have been Qunari, and she may not have suffered the same blood frenzies, but in that moment she had one true purpose: slay that miserable son of a bitch and be done with it.

***  
Tabris never saw the appeal of hunting. She used violence as a tool, but she wasn't fond of it. She preferred intimidating, using a person's own fear against them.

But the Archdemon was something that she couldn't use any other of her skills against. Only swords would do.

She was exhausted when she finally slew it, the city basked in unholy light. Alistair tried to tell her then what he had done, but she didn't care. She was too tired.

But before she left, she pulled out one of the dragon's teeth and sliced it straight down the middle. She wrapped this in a piece of cloth and dragged herself towards the Alienage. Alistair went ahead to talk to the troops, but they didn't need her. She had done what she promised to do. The Void with them now.

Wynne was still in the house, talking quietly with her family. All of them looked up at her in shock. 

She grunted, "I imagine you have questions. Archdemon's dead, Blight's over. Alistair's fine. Is Sten still alive?"

"He's in your father's room," Wynne said. "He is alive, but he is not well, Warden."

Tabris threw most of her gear on the ground, holding the tooth in her hand. She went inside the room fearfully. Sten lay on her father's bed, stripped to the waist. His chest was bound and she could see blood staining his bandages. He was breathing, but it was shallow.

She climbed up beside him, brushing his sweat-plastered hair from his face. She placed half the tooth in his hand and closed it around the gift.

"Here's your badass wedding ring," she joked. "I guess I beat you to it."

He murmured hoarsely, "Typically we clean it first."

Tabris smiled. "There's my ray of sunshine. You're welcome."

"So it is slain?"

"No, but I found another dragon on my way here. Funny how that happens."

Sten wheezed. "You have completed your mission."

"I guess so," she said.

His chest spasmed and he coughed, trying to breathe. She brushed his arm until he settled down again.  
"You need rest," she murmured.

"Stay," he said. "You told me once...no one should die alone."

"Hey, don't insult Wynne like that. You'll break her heart."

Sten said softly, "It is alright, kadan. You are here. It is a good death."

"But it's not supposed to be now," she insisted. "You're supposed to grow old with me. Maybe we have babies and a dog and we run around saving the world all the time. I don't know. All I know is that I need you there with me. So please. You're not allowed to die right now."

"If true loves must part, then all must part," Sten murmured.

Wynne entered the room. "Warden...he needs rest. I will call you if there are any changes."

Tabris kissed his forehead. "I love you."

He smiled weakly. "I know."

***

Sten survived the night and the next. Tabris wanted to sit by his bedside, but there was too much to do. Alistair was her responsibility until his coronation. And then after that, she was the only Grey Warden in the whole country. If she wanted to quit, she needed to do some recruiting first. Seemed only fair.

On the fourth day, Sten was strong enough to get up and walk around. At that point he conceded that it was unlikely he was going to die from the injury. Tabris visited her father's house then and after greeting everyone else, she went out to the little garden. It was mostly trampled but a few trees remained. Sten was leaning against the walls and Jaime was sitting in his lap. A picture book was stretched before them.

Sten saw her and explained, "I am working on my Common."

"With a fairy tale book?"

"The illustrations help clarify words," he justified. 

"Uh huh," she said, smirking. 

She brought Jaime back inside before sitting beside Sten herself. 

"So now that you're going to survive, what happens next?" She asked.

"I have been given much time to think," he answered. "I know my duty. I must go back to Seheron to give my report. But..."

"But?"

Sten said softly, "I do not wish to be a soldier. If I am reeducated, I will fight again. And I have seen too much blood, kadan. You have shown me what contentment can feel like. Peace. I am better with you than I am without. If you would have me, I will never leave your side again."

She kissed him. "Let me go to Seheron with you."

"It is a dangerous country," he warned.

"But then you don't have to be alone there. Then I can remind you every day that we're coming back home. That home doesn't have to be Ferelden-"

"I have grown...fond of your family," Sten admitted. "They are a good presence for me and I know they are important to you. It is a good place for us both."

He kissed her. "Will you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive," she promised. 

She pressed her forehead against his. "You should get out of the cold. It's not good for your lungs."

"Another moment," he requested. "I fear your father will ask me of my intentions for you again. Being deathly ill was a good excuse to postpone the conversation."

She laughed, "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote that I used in the title is a rephrasing of a line in George Elliott Clarke piece. He's amazing. Go read him!


	11. "Where we're going, there is no cake."

A month later, Sten was healthier, close to his old self again. Tabris thought his forced rest would drive him nuts, but to her surprise it suited him. There had been some swapping of beds and adjustments. Shianni had moved out on her own, as she had been planning to do before the Blight, and Cyrion had temporarily moved into her room to let Sten have the bigger bed. Tabris felt sorry for her father and his full house. He didn't seem to mind too badly, but he was never a complainer.

And Sten...Sten was getting better. Not just his lung, but all of him. He was still himself, he hadn't suddenly changed personalities. He was just...softer. He was still stern, but he was gentle to her nephews in his own odd way. He was protective of the adults in the family as well, which was amusing when he was bedridden. He read a lot, usually with Jaime on the guise of training them both on their language skills. He told Jaime stories, not as one might tell a child, but as if he was his peer. Fortunately, they were mostly about the places he had visited and nothing of the bloodier parts of his history. Halen also loved him, but Sten was uncomfortable around him. Possibly worried he might break him.

The entire Tabris family was invited to Alistair's coronation. They made an interesting sight coming into the Royal Palace. It was Sten's first major outing since his injury, but he seemed to be doing well enough. Tabris kept by his side though, just in case. 

After Alistair was crowned, he called each of their companions forward, offering each a boon for their service in the Blight. When Sten knelt in front of the throne, Alistair bowed his head in return to him.

"For Sten of the Beresaad," Alistair announced, "I give to you a letter for you to deliver to the Arishok. I request your services in our country as my official ambassador of the Qunari people and have given him a list of those in my country who I think would suit the position if he chooses to keep one in his lands." 

Sten murmured, "Thank you...your Highness."

"And finally, I call upon Warden Luthien Tabris."

Tabris came to the throne but Alistair stood, shaking her hand as an equal.

"My friend, none of this would be possible without you by my side," he said. "You are not a woman who needs much, but you are one that the nobility of our country sorely needs. For this, I believe there should be a new position: a Bann for each Alienage, in order for the elves to be able to govern themselves. I would suggest the position for yourself, but you are free to name another."

Tabris said, "Then I choose my sister Aria, to rule in my stead."

There was a quiet gasp in the audience and Alistair raised an eyebrow. Tabris shot him a look and Alistair seemed to suddenly understand what she was trying to say. If Aria was nobility, he could marry her. 

Alistair slowly smiled. "As is your right. From this day on, Aria Tabris will serve as the Bann of the Ferelden Alienage. But for you, my friend, I have a second title, one that I will bestow upon you now. Kneel."

Tabris did so as he took out his sword and tapped it on each shoulder. "I dub you Ser Luthien, Teryna of Gwaren."

A pin drop could have been heard in the crowd, but once someone starting cheering (she would always guess Zevran), the hall roared with applause. Tabris rose to her feet as Alistair sheathed his sword. They embraced quickly and he whispered, "Good idea."

"Occasionally I have them."

The reception was full of excitement as people greeted her and congratulated her. Many, as well, tried to assess her sister. Tabris kept Aria close at hand until Alistair snuck her away later.

Sten was at the end of the hall, eating seemingly all the refreshments. He was sharing a slice of cake with Jaime, who sat on his knee. Cyrion saw her coming and picked up Jaime, leaving the two of them alone. 

"The kid is going to miss you when we go to Seheron," Tabris commented.

"He will recover quickly enough. Alistair will amuse him better than I. And it will be, hopefully, only a short period. I will book passage shortly. I am well enough to travel and I wish to return as soon as possible. Of course...you could accompany me. Seheron is a dangerous place, but we will not be on the frontlines."

"After the Blight, I think I can handle a few rebels," she joked.

He kissed her hand. "Then let us go soon then, Teryna."

"It seems like a bit of a cruel joke," she commented. "I'm not sure on who though."

"The South has been ravaged by the Blight," Sten said. "You are a good choice for rebuilding it. You simply will need some training in diplomacy. Perhaps much training."

"Maybe a certain diplomat can give me lessons," she said.

He sighed, "This will not go well, kadan. The Arishok is not an easy man to speak with. When we are in my country, we will have to be...discrete about our relationship. I am sure he will hear rumours the moment we arrive, but it will be trying for both of us."

"Don't worry, I'll pretend to hate you," she said, nodding.

He smirked. "We shall see."

"It's going to be an adventure," she said. "Now, where have you hidden the rest of the cake?"

Sten sheepishly pulled out a plate with several slices out from the back of his chair. "I am recovering from a major injury. I require increased fat content."

"Well, eat up. Where we're going, there is no cake."


	12. "Yes, Arishok."

The journey to Seheron was just over two months long. The parts on land were fantastic. Tabris loved port cities and was enjoying exploring the coast. Those breaks from being at sea were wonderful.

But it turned out that she hated boats. She'd spent days in the cabin, trying not to die. Sten would stay and comfort her, but they were beginning their act of not being together. Which meant him pulling away from her and separate rooms. 

That being said, he did manage to _comfort_ her from time to time but so far no one had seen him sneak back to his room in the middle of the night. Or if they had, they were too terrified of either of them to make a comment.

Once they made it to the island, Tabris was really hoping she'd feel better, but she just felt sweaty constantly. It was hot, it was humid, and while the smell of fresh fruits, brewing tea, and incense was wonderful, it just made her sick to her stomach. After years of living in a cold, dry city, her senses were too overwhelmed. She really badly just wanted to have a long cold bath, but shortly after they docked, they were greeted by a contingent of stern looking soldiers.

"You are Sten of the Beresaad?" One asked.

Sten nodded. 

"And you are the one they call the Hero of Ferelden?"

Tabirs said, "Apparently." 

"We have orders to bring you to an encampment several miles north of the city. The Arishok is ready to receive you."

Sten raised an eyebrow. "So soon?"

"He has heard word that you were traveling here and with a bas. He is interested to hear of your experience of the Blight and for you to explain your actions."

If they had been back in Ferelden, Sten probably would have put his arm in front of her and stepped between her and the man who looked at her with such disgust. If they were back home, Tabris probably would have cursed him out and possibly beat him to the ground. But both of them restrained themselves.   
"Then I follow your lead," Sten said firmly.

They brought horses forward, but they were MASSIVE. Tabris had always felt small next to horses, but these were clearly big enough to carry a full grown Qunari. 

"The Warden will ride with me as she is clearly incapable of mounting hers," Sten commented. "And I do not imagine you wish to be so close to a bas."

"It is acceptable," the Qunari replied. 

Tabris whispered to Sten, "Will we break it?"

Sten reassured, "The c'lasines have been bred to carry a heavy load and you will add very little weight to its burden."

Sten helped her up, basically by tossing her, before climbing on himself. He sat behind her, eyes forward. Two more of the horses pulled a cart with their belongings. 

"I wish we had these during the Blight," Tabris commented. 

"They do not fare well in the cold," Sten replied, "like their Qunari companions."

Tabris started to smile but caught herself. She had to play it cool, even though she felt like there was a big arrow point down from the heavens with a chorus singing, "Hey, look, these two are boning."

The last few miles went quickly as Tabris had much to look at. She tried not to focus on the fact she was sweating through all her clothes and she felt light headed. She wanted to lean back on Sten, but she couldn't risk suggesting their bond. 

The compound reminded her of the fortresses the Avaar had set up in south Ferelden. It was basic, but functional. The walls were incredibly tall and Qunari soldiers roamed the walkway above them. She felt like every eye was on her and Sten risked stroking her hand with his thumb. 

When they entered the courtyard, workers came for their horses. Sten helped her down and a soldier instructed them in Qunlat. Tabris' grasp of the language was improving, but it was so rapid fire that she barely understood. 

The compound was mainly soldiers, but there were blacksmiths, leather crafters. Really, it was like any other fortress. Tabris hadn't known really what to expect but the familiarity surprised her. Maybe war looked the same in every country.

They climbed a tall flight of stairs to the great hall where someone else barked at them. Sten told Tabris to lower her gaze when they entered. 

The hall was made of beautiful red wood, crafted in arches above them. There were few adornments. There were two black banners showing the symbol of the Qun and woven portrait of their prophet was hung just behind the throne.

Tabris caught a quick glimpse of the Arishok and then kept her head down. All she could see were his horns and his grey skin. 

A soldier put their arm out, blocking Tabris from moving forward. Sten was allowed to approach the Arishok and he knelt before him. They began speaking in Qunlat and Tabris tried to understand, but she was only picking up pieces. It didn't help that the Arishok seemed to have a different accent than Sten. 

Sten held the letter out to the Arishok, who read it quietly. He asked Sten to translate and he did so. The Arishok frowned and signaled for his guard to bring Tabris towards him. The guard forced her to kneel beside Sten.

The Arishok asked in Common, "You are the Grey Warden?"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Are you a woman or are you Aqun-Athlok?"

"I'm a woman, Arishok."

"You have come as a representative of your King?"

"Yes," she said, still not looking at him. 

"A bas warrior...a female warrior. Too small, too weak. Are you of the pagans?"

"I'm an agnostic, Arishok."

Sten explained the term in Qunlat and the Arishok chuckled.

"If you have born in our lands, you would have no need to question," the Arishok commented. "But at least you do not worship their goddess. Tell me, what do you think of diplomacy, bas?"

"I think that we benefited from having Sten fight alongside us and we have a common enemy," Tabris said. "My people were taken by Tevinter slavers."

"Sold by your own King."

"That traitor lies dead," Tabris spat. "The rightful King slew him."

"So you seek our assistance freeing them to return to your heathen lands? This is not something that interests the Qun. Nor an alliance with your King."

Sten said something in Qunlat, but the Arishok interrupted him.

"You have spoken of this before," the Arishok said, becoming visibly upset. "When you were young it was amusing, but it less so now. You speak of saving individual lives when you do not see that they, like you, have been called to serve. A soldier is a weapon and weapons are built to be used."

Sten replied, "Ferelden is far south and we will not reach their shores for many decades. It is better to work with them and have them convert from example then from warfare. They are people who are not afraid to die."

"Is that why they send little girls to war, then?" the Arishok asked bitterly. "You ask me to change our way to appease a heathen king?"

Sten argued in Qunlat and the pair spoke for a time, the Arishok seeming to grow more and more interested in his words. Eventually, the Arishok raised his hand to silence him.

The Arishok ordered, "Rise and face me, Warden."

Tabris did so, trying to stop the trembling in her hands. She met the Arishok's glance and in studying his face, she feared him more. She saw her love's opposite. The silver pallor, the terrifying sharp horns, the look of utter contempt. When they met, Sten had been confused by her and certainly judgmental, but she had been just amused by him. She had dealt with jerks all her life and was refreshed that he was willing to learn from her. But this guy...she was an ant to him and he wouldn't hesitate to squash her.

"Hear me when I say this: you are an unwelcome guest in our lands, but you still remain a guest. You will be given quarters, but you will not leave the compound unless escorted. You will not be permitted to speak unless spoken to. You will remain here until I have consulted with the Ariqun and Arigena as to this...cooperation with Ferelden. This Sten will be allowed to remain as your escort as he has the best grasp of your language, but you will be monitored if you leave the compound together. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Arishok," she whispered.

He ordered his guard to take them to their quarters. Sten fell in line beside her.

He murmured to her, "I will be sleeping in the barracks with the other soldiers. There is a room for the artisans to stay, you will be resting with them."

"What's going on?" She asked.

"I will come for you later, for now, stay silent."

Tabris nodded and they were separated. She was led into a room with several narrow beds. She picked an empty one and lay down, her head spinning. An older Qunari woman asked her something and eventually helped her sit up to drink some cold water. Tabris thanked her.

"Rest," the woman said with a kind smile.

Tabris closed her eyes and it did not take long for her to drift off. She slept for a long time, waking for a few moments at a time for one of the other women to make her eat a few bites of a mushy paste or to drink some water.

She felt a weight at the end of her bed and she looked up blearily. Sten was beside her, his hand on her calf. 

"Kadan," he breathed in relief. "How do you feel?"

"Like shit," she muttered, trying to sit up. "What happened?"

"You were exposed to a virus going through the compound, a minor one, but-"

"I pulled a you?"

Sten chuckled. "Now you cannot mock me."

"Are we alone?" She asked.

"For a few moments," he said, "but not long."

"How long have I been out?"

"Two days. The Arishok has still not decided what will follow. I have asked what your fate will be if I am forced to stay here."

Tabris realized she had never even considered that could happen. Though it made complete sense. He was a soldier, he could be reassigned on the Arishok's whim.

"I think I'm going to throw up," she whispered.

He wrung out a towel in a basin on water and rested it on the back of her neck. 

"It will pass," he promised.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I am nervous," he admitted. "I do not know what he will decide. I wish I could speak more of it to you, but it is not wise to, not here."

"Are you safe?" She whispered.

"There have been questions," he murmured, "but so far all is well. You must rest, kadan. I miss you."

She smiled tiredly. "Me too."

She held onto her dragon tooth necklace and he lightly touched her hand before leaving the room. A healer passed him on the way in and fussed over her in Qunlat. Tabris tried to reply back, but was too tired to focus on the other language. She ended up just falling asleep, the tooth in her hand.


	13. "I want to go home."

When she was finally feeling well enough, she was allowed to walk around the compound with Sten. The next day, they were permitted to go just outside the walls to the city of Alam. Here at least she wasn't the only elf and she felt better for it. The pair of them side by side raised almost no suspicion, until they saw the soldier just a few paces behind them.

Tabris still felt faint, but she was glad to be out of the room. She and Sten couldn't really speak, other for him to translate for her when she introduced herself to others. These Qunari were a lot friendlier than the soldiers and some had actually heard of her, but mostly about her mabari. Apparently dogs were very uncommon in Qunari lands and they were very popular for folk stories. She missed Huan and didn't mind gushing about him.

They ate in a public garden, their guard further away, speaking to a friend. Tabris couldn't get much down, but she tried her best.

"How much longer?" She asked.

"A few more days, at least," he explained. "The Ariqun and Arigena will send agents to speak of their opinions, but the war delays messages easily even if we are in a relatively safe place. The rebels will not attack the Arishok so directly, it would be a slaughter."

"I want to go home," she grumbled. 

He made sure the guard was looking the other way before touching her hand. "Soon, kadan. You are unwell and when you are feeling better, it will be easier again."

"First boats and now Seheron," she muttered. "It's like my body has decided its Ferelden or nothing. If I could make it through a day without throwing up or passing out, I would be a very happy woman."

"You were ill two days before we left as well," Sten said, frowning. "Perhaps your exposure to the Archdemon..."

"I'm fine," she promised. "I'm having less and less nightmares, especially here. At least you guys don't have darkspawn. Seheron's got one thing going for it."

Tabris was not sure whether she heard the scream or the explosion first. They both stood, looking out into the jungle. Sten instinctively put his hand on his sword. Tabris felt for Fang, but remembered she had been forced to leave her weapons, even the ancestral dagger, at the compound. 

"We must get back," he said. 

Their guard came to them, firing instructions at Sten. Sten argued with him, gesturing to Tabris. Eventually he looked back over at the Warden.

"I am to go into the field," Sten said. "Take shelter, I will return."

"Be careful," she pleaded.

Sten was led away and Tabris headed back towards the market. A shopkeeper opened her door and signaled for her to come in. She entered apothecary, regretting it immediately when the smells hit her. The shopkeeper was an elderly elven woman. She helped Tabris into the basement and gestured for her to sit on the cot across from hers.

The woman said gently, "Sometimes it is awhile before we can return to the surface. It is good to prepare ahead of time."

"You speak Common very well."

"I was born in Antiva and my mother was from Ferelden," she explained. "Rest. You look white as a ghost."

"I haven't been well," she murmured.

"And you fear for one on the battlefield," she said, lighting a fire. "I can see it. You wear the necklace of a warrior's love. He must have been very brave to slay such a dragon for you."

"Actually I killed it," Tabris admitted.

The woman chuckled, "Then you must be the Warden. The people have spoken of you. There are many rumours. The Qunari like to pretend they are above it, but we love gossip as much as the rest of Thedas."

The woman rested a kettle on top of her stove and returned to face Tabris.

"What exactly have you heard?" Tabris asked.

"Oh, exaggerations, no more. That you are a princess in your lands, that you are a warrior to rival any man. And that you have seduced even a Sten of the Beresaad."

Tabris didn't even blink. "I wish. I'm a dirt kid from an Alienage and I've never been trained as a soldier. And while I'm sure it's very romantic to imagine me as a temptress, I'm not exactly a looker. I've also got an old man back home. Bet he wouldn't appreciate that one too much."

The woman looked over her with interest and Tabris suddenly realized she was in just as much danger in that room as Sten was in the jungle. 

"You're Ben-Hassrath, aren't you?" Tabris asked.

The woman smiled. "You are smarter than they say you are. They like picking elven women. We blend in, disappear. No one thinks we are worth worrying about. But you are a threat, aren't you? I know a liar when I see one." 

As Tabris rose, her blood pressure started to drop and her vision grew spotty. She heard war cries from the streets and more explosions. She walked towards the stairs and the spy grabbed her with impressive strength. Tabris tried to throw her off, but the woman punched her hard in the gut. Tabris cried out in pain, stumbling. She threw herself at the spy, knocking her over. The Warden ran up the stairs, the world going dark. 

The spy grabbed her arm and threw her against a display case. Tabris grabbed a shard of broken glass and held it like a knife. She held out her makeshift blade and walked back towards the door. The Ben-Hassrath agent threw a dagger, piercing through Tabris' shoulder. Ignoring the pain, the Warden took the weapon from her shoulder and managed to get outside. She could hear the fighting but she was too dazed to understand what exactly was happening. Her breathing slowed and her pulse started to race. And suddenly her mouth was flooded with the taste of rust.

She slumped to her knees, feeling the poison flood her senses. She looked ahead in the distance, hearing the battle cries of the Qunari. 

Just as she passed out, she pleaded, "Sten."

***

Tabris woke in an amazing amount of pain. She sat up, holding her shoulder as she screamed. Sten was beside her, his eyes fearful as a healer injected something into Tabris' skin. It made her chest ache even more. 

Sten explained, "It will help your heart move and keep the poison out of your blood while the treatment works. It will hurt, kadan, but you are strong enough."

The healer asked Sten a question and suddenly his face went pale. He said something that sounded threatening in return and the healer went back to dressing the wound.

"What was that?" Tabris demanded, grabbing his hand.

"We will speak of it later," he said, squeezing. 

"That's comforting," she panted. 

The wound in her chest cooled and she breathed easier. 

"I will not leave you until we leave this island," Sten whispered in her ear. "I swear this to you now, kadan. I will not risk you again."

The healer spoke to Sten and the Qunari listened, nodding. He sat behind Tabris, letting her lean on his chest. She rested against him while the healer returned with a canteen. Tabris drank the sweet syrup without question, feeling a bit steadier. Sten barked something at the woman, who left them. 

"Where are we?" She asked tiredly.

"A war camp outside the city," Sten explained. "Ashaad found you in the gardens where I had left you. He thought you were dead until he felt your breath. You were fortunate. There were many who were not spared." 

"I was in the markets when I passed out," Tabris murmured, her memory faint. "I went into a store, there was..."

She held out her palm, seeing where the glass shard cut her skin. The tent flap opened and the healer returned, a soldier accompanying her. The soldier asked him to follow, but Sten refused.

Tabris reassured, "It's okay."

"I will not leave your side," Sten said. "If the Arishok wishes to speak to me at this moment, he will come here."

The soldier and healer both looked like they had been slapped. The healer started to say something, but looked to Tabris and stopped. Sten glared until the soldier left. After what sounded like a threat from Sten, the healer left too. 

Sten leaned in close and whispered, "I do not know what happens next, kadan, but I promise you that I will keep you safe, even at the cost of my life."

"What's going on?" Tabris asked.

"We are not alone," he murmured. "Can you stand?"

She did so weakly and Sten picked her up gently. He carried her out to the camp where a wagon waited. He helped her down into the makeshift bed in the back and refused to ride ahead with the others, remaining with her. Their group headed back towards the Arishok's palace quickly. 

Over the noise of the c'lasines' hoofs hitting the dirt road, Tabris felt certain that no one else could hear them if they leaned in close. Sten sat up, watching the road behind them, his hand on his sword. 

"It was not a rebel who injured you, was it?" Sten asked.

Tabris agreed, "No. It was a Ben-Hassrath agent."

Sten said, "It is as I feared. The Ariqun has sent her disapproval of our alliance. It is likely there are other agents who would attempt to slay you."

"Great," she muttered, wincing.

"The Arigena has recently arrived. It surprises me that she came on her own, but it appears that she would like to speak directly on the matter. It is a good sign."

"Why didn't the spy kill me?" Tabris asked.

Sten admitted, "I do not know. You were in a weakened position. If an infantry officer could see that you were alive, a potions expert should have been able to see so. Perhaps they were frightened or they had been seen."

Sten said quietly, "There is something else I must speak of with you, while there is still time, but I do not know how to. I know none of the right words in your language, nor do you know the words in Qunlat."

"So I'm guessing it has nothing to do with swords or anything fun?" She asked, closing her eyes. "Plant life? Types of bricks?"

Sten did not answer and she sat up, looking at the back of the road. Several c'lasines grew close. More soldiers. 

"Rest while you can," he murmured. "You will need your strength."

"Oh. Joy."


	14. "So...what the shit is going on?"

They arrived at the compound and Sten helped Tabris out of the back. He kept his arm just behind her, ready to catch her or shield her if necessary. She was feeling shaky still, but adrenaline was keeping her going. 

They entered the palace and were brought into the grand hall. Before averting her eyes, she noticed a female Qunari standing beside the Arishok. 

The Arishok instructed a guard to remove Tabris to the barracks but Sten put his arm around her. The guard held back.

The female Qunari came forward and asked in Common, "Are you able to stand, Warden? We can find a place for you to rest while we speak with Sten."

"She doesn't leave my side, Arigena," Sten said politely but firmly. "Seheron has not treated her well and I made a promise to her King to bring her back alive."

"Very well," she said. "We will retire to the Arishok's chambers. Follow."

The Arigena and the Arishok led them to a room further into the palace. It looked more like a library than an office, but a war table did take up a decent portion of the floor. While Tabris still felt weak, Sten stood behind her, letting her rest slightly on him. It seemed that he had decided to screw subtlety and focus on protecting her. After the days she had had, she couldn't say she minded.

The Arigena leaned on the war table. "Sten of the Beresaad, we have discussed this proposition with Ferelden but there are conditions that you must agree to first before there are diplomatic complications. Then we can formalize the agreement."

Sten said nothing as the Arishok continued, "You have served us well in your position and will keep your title as a reminder to the people of Ferelden that you are a warrior above all. Your placement will only exist as long as it is a benefit to our people and you will follow any instruction I give to you. You still answer to me."

"Yes, Arishok," Sten replied.

The Arigena said, "However, word has spread to us that you have taken, in part, to living as a common bas of Ferelden. While there have been disagreements on your conduct, we have agreed that it is wise for you to live with some of the customs of their people in order to better understand them. But you will not do any action that would be a disgrace to the Qunari people."

The Arishok added, "Your relationship with the Warden causes concern." 

Sten gripped Tabris' arm and the Arigena interrupted, "But it by itself is not a barrier to our goals in this case. The Warden is a powerful figure in Ferelden and the Qun does not forbid sexual liaisons. But you must be...discrete. You are not to flaunt this bond or show any outward signs, including taking part in any romantic traditions customary in Ferelden."

"Is there anything else?" Sten asked. "The Ariqun appears to have not agreed with your conditions when she ordered for the death of the Warden."

Tabris was surprised but not shocked that Sten had gone on the offensive. Yet she was worried he was digging their graves the more he spoke.

"The Ariqun's agents are free to act with their own discretion," the Arigena said diplomatically. "The Ariqun has given her dissent but has agreed to the beginning of political relations with Ferelden."

"I will agree to your terms," Sten said, "but I will not allow a Ben-Hassrath agent to interfere with the Warden again. Any who attempt to harm her will be dealt with in whatever manner is fitting the situation."

Which was Qunlat essentially for _Touch her and I'll rip your arms off._

"We will discuss the matter further," the Arishok said. "You will return to your rooms for now until it is decided."

"I request that we are allowed to go to Mila, Arishok," Sten said, bowing his head. "The Warden is not well and I wish to allow her to rest. We will of course go under escort and remain monitored as necessary."

The Arigena agreed, cutting the Arishok off. "It is granted. You will remain in Mila until a decision has been made. You will leave immediately."

***

Mila turned out to be a small village an hour away through the thick jungle. Sten carried Tabris for much of the way as she was too weak. Upon their arrival, Sten spoke to a few locals who brought them to an inn. Tabris was so grateful to have a private room and a real bed. Sten lay beside her and kissed her so tenderly it made her pain slip away.

"Sleep first," he ordered, "then we talk."

Tabris agreed, relaxing as his body curled around hers. She fell asleep in his arms.

***

When she woke, she drank more of the sickly sweet syrup and managed to eat a full meal. It surprised her how much better she felt and she had a sudden suspicion that it hadn't been a virus but someone tampering with her food. She decided to keep this thought to herself.

After a cool bath and a change of clothes, Tabris returned to the bed. Sten was pacing nearby. 

"Can we talk now?" She asked.

He agreed and sat in a chair across from her.

"So...what the shit is going on?" Tabris asked.

Sten sighed, "I do not know. Kadan, I should never have brought you here. You have been in danger since we docked. The Arishok was never entirely a rational man, but there is an expression in his eyes that unnerves me. There is something happening, unrelated to us I think. I have heard rumour that he intends to leave Seheron. I do not believe he is intending an invasion, but I do not know."

"Are you safe though?" Tabris asked.

"I believe so for now. The Arigena seems to have intervened. She believes the trade between our nations will benefit our craftsmen and our weaponry over all. And she has called for reform in many practices over the years. She is most lenient to our...relationship. If not for her arrival, it is likely that you would not be alive right now. I am incredibly grateful."

"So...what did the healer ask you about?"

Sten murmured, "Ferelden rites for the dying."

"I'm fine," she reassured, reaching out to touch him. 

"You are ill," he said. "And weakened. I have failed you."

She patted the bed beside her. "Come sit with me."

He obeyed her and she took her hand in his. She leaned on him and he put his arm around her. 

"I'll see a healer," she promised, "and I'll get all better and be able to kick ass again. We're safer here, right? No one's going to try anything now."

"This is where I was born," Sten said quietly. "I am known here, even if I was a child when I left. I served in this region out of loyalty to those who grow and learn here. This is a place for children, the weak, and those learning the Qun. It is a safe place."

Her stomach growled and she said, "Do you know of a doc around here?"

"I will take you to see her. It is not far."

***

Tabris soon found herself in a wooden hut with a Qunari woman taking her bodily fluids. Spit, blood, piss, the works. Sten waited just outside after being told it was inappropriate to stare at a naked woman for so long. Tabris' Qunlat was improving and she would call him if she needed help.

The healer asked a few questions here and there, but nothing exciting for the most part. How is your appetite? Where does it hurt? How long have you been ill?

It was only when she asked _When did you last bleed?_ that Tabris started panicking. She lied and said a few weeks before and the healer nodded along. When she was finished, she gave Tabris some potions to take back to the inn. Though Sten asked her immediately what was wrong, she said nothing until they were alone in their room again. 

In their bed, wrapped in his arms, she whispered to him, "I think I'm pregnant."


	15. "Say something."

For a long time, Sten said nothing. She wanted to shake him, force him to respond. She waited as long as she could, but she couldn't bare it any longer.

"Say something," she ordered.

Sten replied quietly, "I do not know what you wish me to say, kadan. I am...upset."

"Upset? With me?" Tabris asked in surprise.

"I thought the women of your country used-"

"Oh no, don't you try this," Tabris said, sitting up. "You told me we weren't physically compatible. I'm a Grey Warden, so I shouldn't be able to get pregnant anyways. And like we say in Ferelden, it takes two to tango. You could have helped out too. You could have pulled out instead of just firing off-"

"You are the one who pleaded with me to finish-"

"That was dirty talk! I know you can't imagine that someone might actually enjoy-"

"Do you not know what this means for me? Do you not know how much of myself I have given up to try to please you?"

"Oh yeah, such a big sacrifice getting laid, of course, you shouldn't have to deal with anything that might come of it because you're just so noble and oh of course my mighty warrior, you don't need to be responsible-"

"I did not say I would not take responsibility, I only said that I trusted you to-"

"You are your own man, Sten, and a grown one! I never asked you to-"

"If I had known this might happen, I should never have touched you." 

Tabris got off the bed. "Whatever. What's done is done. If you want to blame me, I can't stop you, but I don't have to listen to it."

She was about to open the door when Sten put his hand on the doorknob, blocking her. She glared at him. "Let me go."

Sten knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. "Forgive me. I was afraid. We have let our desire for each other cloud our judgment. If there are consequences, we should face them together. Forgive me, kadan."

Tabris felt close to tears as he stood again. He held her close and cradled the back of her head. She nuzzled into him. 

"I'm sorry too," she whispered. 

"We must tell the Arishok," Sten murmured.

Tabris pushed him away slightly. "You're serious?"

"If you decide to have your child, then he will find out. Whether we are in Seheron or you are back in Ferelden. I will tell him and hope for mercy."

Tabris noticed the careful usage of his words. Her child. Her return to Ferelden. 

"I don't have to have it," she whispered, hating the words as they left her mouth. 

Sten said softly, "I would never ask you to do this, kadan." 

"It's an option," she insisted. "I'd be stupid if I didn't think about it. You don't want to be a father, I get it, and I'm not exactly going to be a great mom. And the Arishok may order for us both to get whacked. But if we were back home and you were just some elven guy I was seeing, I'd be really happy right now. But that's not what's happening here. I might not even _be_ pregnant, but I can't risk getting tested and the wrong person finding out."

Sten pulled from her, going to the window. He opened it and breathed in the humid air of his homeland. She sat on the bed, waiting his response.

"The child may kill you," he said. "It may not be easy on your body."

"Neither was drinking darkspawn blood, but I managed," she joked.

"You may be weakened further and unable to defend yourself. I have endangered you and I may not be able to protect you much longer." 

He frowned, his head turning slightly. She stood, trying to see what he was looking at. Two soldiers were in the street, asking a teacher for directions. Sten closed the blinds and led her away.

"If they take me away," he warned, "if they bring me to be re-educated, I may not remember who you are. I will not be the same man. But know that I love you. I have always loved you and that will not change. Get back to Ferelden, however you can."

"I'm not letting them take you," she barked. "They'll have to go through me first."

The door opened and Sten stood in front of her protectively.

The first soldier ordered, _You have been called to report to the Arishok. You will follow me now._

Sten replied, _Then I will come with you._

_The bas too._

Sten put his hand on his sword, ready to strike them down. Tabris touched his arm and murmured, "It's okay, Sten."

He released Asala and nodded. _Then let us go._

***

Upon arriving at the palace, Sten was taken from her. She struggled at first against the guards restraining her, but the nausea in her belly overwhelmed her. She watched hopelessly as he was brought into the lower levels. Tabris was brought into a meeting space nearby and left alone. She tried to open the door, but it was locked. She was searching for anything to pick it when it opened. A guard announced the Ariqun, who walked in with a look of pure disgust on her face. The door shut. 

"You know why you are here, bas?"

"Because doctor-patient confidentiality doesn't exist in Seheron?" 

"Every healer reports to me, Warden. I cure the sickness of our people and I find that you carry a disease that I will not have spread."

The Ariqun continued, "I was against this union from the start, it is unnatural for us to make dealings with your kind. But I was told you were a woman of honour, Basalit-an, yet here we are. You have destroyed one of our own, tempted him with lust and repay his trust with carrying a mutt of a child. Sten of the Beresaad can no longer be relied upon to represent the Qunari people, nor can I allow to let you or the child live."

"Then get it over with," Tabris spat.

The Ariqun replied bitterly, "It is not as simple as that. Ferelden is a pitiful nation, but its hatred of Orlais is a tool we can easily exploit. As well, I am told you are a close friend of its King, an emotional man who would risk his nation to seek revenge. But there are other ways, of course. The Sten can be reeducated and it would be a victory to have the so-called Hero of Ferelden submit to the Qun."

"I'd rather die," Tabris growled.

"You will have little choice in the matter, bas. We have a substance that we can use to wipe you clean. You could be a spy for us...how perfect. The people of the main land trust you, they would never suspect. And if your mind was too damaged, you could become a farmer perhaps. There will be a use for you. And the child will be an interesting case. We have never had a Qunari born from tainted blood. It cannot be allowed to join the Qun, of course, it would weaken our own hereditary. But much can be learned from it, even if it is likely such a creature would not live long."

"Touch me and I will destroy you," Tabris warned. "I will snap those horns right off your head and stick them up your ass and down your throat."

"It may not come to that, so do not make your threats yet. The Arigena and the Arishok may decide to spare you both, but I doubt very much that will come without price. Even if you survive today, you will always be under our watch. The Qun will not be mocked by a Basra like you." 

The door opened and a guard dragged Tabris out. It took him and two others to bring her into a makeshift bedroom on the other side of the palace. She was there nearly three hours before the door opened again and Sten was shoved inside. She kissed him, sobbing. He caressed her face, holding her close to him.

"We have been spared," he reassured.

"Are you sure? Because your head Priestess was going to brainwash me and use our baby for her science projects."

Sten confirmed, his voice shaking, "I was warned much the same. We will be allowed to return to Ferelden and I will serve as diplomat. I shall be allowed to live much as one of your kind are, but there will be restrictions."

"What is it?" Tabris asked. "Why do you look like someone died?"

Sten said quietly, "This peace will not last. We were fools to think it might. Already there is much I cannot give you, but in order to protect you, I may have to take much more away."

"What do you mean?" She asked, her heart racing.

"I cannot marry you," he said. 

She laughed, "I didn't think you would anyways, that's fine. We can do that. Not a big deal. Throw more at me."

"Nor can I acknowledge our child."

"It's going to be hard to convince people she's an elf when she's older," Tabris pointed out. "That's fine, Sten."

"It is not for me," he said. "I am not ashamed. It is a coward's act."

"Hey, we're getting off really easy here, Sten," she reassured. "A few minutes ago I thought we were going to have a really terrible death. This is good. We'll go back to Ferelden. We'll be together and we'll be safe."

"Not forever," he said softly. "I have heard rumours that the Arishok leaves for the Free Marches soon and the Ariqun speaks of Orlais as a new conquest. I am a tool to them and they hold my heart in their hands. This is why we hold nothing above the Qun, for I would risk my very soul for you. They may call me to war and for your sake I may be forced to answer." 

"We get back to Ferelden and we'll figure the rest out," she reassured. 

"I should never have broken my vows nor should I have let you accompany me here," he murmured. "I have ruined us both."

Her chest ached. She longed to hold him, to do anything to relieve the heartbreak written across his face. But she knew it wasn't safe. They had been such fools to think this was going to work, that everything would fall into place. He was only tentatively hers and their mixed blood child would have no legal father and a mother who would be lucky to make it to their thirtieth birthday. 

She wouldn't cry until they were on board another ship headed back south. They shared a cabin this time, allowing them to spend nearly two days barely leaving the bed. She sobbed and he held her, crying into her hair. And when the mourning was under control, they had sex. A lot of sex. There wasn't much else to do and it wasn't like he could get her pregnant again. Unless Qunari could do that somehow. She was going to pick up an anatomy book when they landed in Denerim. 

Her body was just beginning to show when they were a week from Ferelden. Sten had spoken little about the future child, but had worshipped every inch of her pregnant body. And her hormones made her want him even more. Even if he was indifferent about the end results, seeing her swollen with his child seemed to get him going. She didn't mind. Every time she and Sten fooled around she felt like she was flipping off the Arishok. It was a damn good feeling.

***

They were literally about to dock in Denerim, but they couldn't help themselves. She could actually feel when the ship made contact with the pier, but it was only a fleeting thought since she was on her knees, gripping onto the headboard as her lover was balls deep in her. They were going hard and fast, Sten thrusting into her like he'd die otherwise. She cried out, one of her hands holding onto a swollen breast. The sight seemed to spur Sten on and he grunted her name as she played with the nipple between her fingers. He swore in Qunlat, his cock throbbing inside of her. He slammed into her and she screamed his name.

"Hurry up," she moaned. "The steward will be here any minute."

"Are you not enjoying yourself, kadan?" He teased.

"You know I've enjoyed myself twice already," she panted.

He laughed before picking up his pace. One of his hands slipped between her legs and the other settled on her breast. His thrusts were shallower now as he tried to balance himself, but they were quick and desperate. He rubbed at her clit and grasped at her breast, moaning. The hand moved to her belly, resting on the beginning of her bump. He grunted low, slamming into her. He shifted his hands to her hips as he hit his peak, rutting as hard into her as he dared. She cursed and cried as he finished inside of her, riding out his orgasm for as long as he could.

They kissed quickly before adjusting their clothes, attempting to look presentable. She fixed a few of his buttons before they were caught by the steward, who offered to take their bags.

Sten refused to move his hand from her waist as they went down the steps, a smug smirk on his lips. They reached the dock and Tabris saw her family waiting for her. She smiled and waved before running over to hug her father. Alistair jogged over, carrying her nephews. Halen looked at her skeptically but Jaime demanded to be picked up and covered in kisses. She glanced over her shoulder, seeing Cyrion excitedly shake Sten's hand. She smiled nervously, turning to embrace Alistair.

The King cheered, "I'm so happy you're home! I thought you'd be stuck in Seheron forever. Did everything go well? Did the Arishok get my letter?"

"We've got a lot to talk about, but later," she promised. "Where's Aria?"

"She's just at the dressmaker's, she's running late. We'll all be at your father's place tonight for dinner. I've rescheduled so many things for today. My aide must hate me, but it's worth it. Come on, let's get going!"

Tabris looked back at Sten, who was still in deep conversation with her father. Her heart sank in her chest. He was going to hate Sten when he found out. The little bubble they had been living in the past two months was about to burst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some angst is coming, but also, a lot of pregnancy kink coming up. So be comforted with smut.


	16. "I love her."

Sten and Tabris hadn't talked a lot about the baby. Well, not in a productive way. It usually started with her trying to be serious about their feelings and what not and it devolved into him getting that look in his eyes and her pressed against the nearest surface while they went to town on each other. Not a bad thing. Okay, definitely not a bad thing. But she had to be at least four months along, if not more, and he hadn't really said how he felt about it. She knew how she felt about it and had told him once in a post sex cuddle. Tabris, of course, was freaking out, but she was excited. She had always wanted kids, but it had been in this weird utopian world where it was safe to be an elf and she never had to fight or steal again. So now she was having a baby and with the undisputed love of her life. So...it was good. 

He on the other hand said nothing other than the smallest actions that minutely suggested that he was on board. He had promised his devotion to her and Tabris assumed that meant protecting her baby, but he had only referred to it as "ours" exactly three times and all three seemed to have to do with their genetic makeup in which it was literally his too. She didn't expect him to start taking parenting classes and building a crib, but some indication of how he felt would be nice. And since they had agreed to talk to her family that night, it would be best if she had some idea before that happened.

They brought their gear to Cyrion's house, though Alistair had told them excitedly on the way over that Sten would be receiving his own place among the various embassies near the Royal Palace. Sten's face revealed nothing of his inner thoughts and Alistair grew quiet. Tabris wanted to apologize on his behalf, but there wasn't much she could say that didn't reveal too much too soon.

Once they were settled into Tabris' old room, the Warden sat on her bed, her feet aching. Sten instinctively sat in front of her, rubbing them in his hands. He gave her a ghost of a smile. Tabris glanced to make sure the door was closed.

"Are we okay?" She asked.

"What do you mean, kadan?"

"I mean, we're going to tell them tonight. I just want to know where you're at."

Sten kissed her ankle before continuing. "I have made my thoughts clear, have I not? I accept responsibility and I will not abandon you. My feelings for you have not changed nor do I imagine they ever will."

Tabris agreed, though slightly annoyed. "Right, but...how do you feel about all this? Are you happy? Mad? Frustrated? Just talk to me."

The door opened and they both turned, seeing Aria in the doorway. Her sister shrieked seeing her and they embraced happily. Tabris frowned and held her at arm's length, glancing down her regularly slender sister's frame.

Aria grinned. "I guess the secret's out. It's quite the scandal, but people seem so happy about the first Theirin born in decades we're getting away with it. I've just hit six months. We've had to delay the wedding a little bit, but we've already moved into the palace. The boys love it and I thought that it wouldn't go over well, but they are the children of a Bann and a Knight of Highever, one of the heroes of the Civil War, so it seems like they're making quite the impression. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm babbling. I'm just so happy to see you here and I've missed you so much. How are you? How was Seheron? You have a beautiful tan."

Tabris said weakly, "It was great."

They both heard Jaime crying and Sten left the room. Aria said, "You would never think such a giant like that would be such a natural with babies. He'll make a great father if you two ever think about it. Though I guess...I'm sorry, that's not very nice of me to say, considering everything."

Tabris wanted to start crying herself, but she kept it together. If there had ever been a chance of Cyrion forgiving her and Sten, it now had flown out the window. She thought maybe the excitement of another grandchild might soothe him, but now his daughter, his actual daughter, was having a baby with the King of Ferelden, a sweet thoughtful man that was Cyrion's ideal son in law. Aria's life was working out so beautifully and she was so happy for her sister, but it made the pain in her chest so much worse. This was going to kill her father.

"Are you all right?" Aria asked. "You look tired."

"A little," she apologized. "I think I might lie down before dinner."

Tabris returned to her bed and Aria tucked her in before leaving. She curled up on herself, shutting her eyes.

***

Tabris returned to the dining room to see it full of her family. Shianni was there with a young man she couldn't stop making eyes at. Aria was seated next to Alistair, who had Jaime on his knee. Halen was in Cyrion's arms. Sten wasn't there.

She sat down beside Shianni, who informed her of her own engagement excitedly. Tabris smiled, squeezing her cousin's hand. Eventually Sten entered the house again, apologizing quietly before sitting beside Tabris. He had such a faraway look in his eyes that she half wanted to slap him just to get his attention.

Alistair said, "Good, you're here. I've just talked to your head of house. He says the place should be ready in the morning. You have a full staff, you should be very comfortable."

Sten frowned. "Servants?"

"Well, yes. It's a big estate, you'll need help managing it."

Sten did not reply.

Cyrion said, "It's good to have all of you together here. I imagine, Louie, that you have heard about Soris. He eloped just after you left. He has been writing me every day from Redcliffe. He seems very happy."

"That's great," Tabris said.

"Tell us about Seheron," Shianni said excitedly. "You must have had so many adventures. What were the people like? What's the food like?"

Sten stood. "Please, excuse me."

He left out the back and Tabris didn't go after him. All eyes were on her.

"Is he alright?" Cyrion asked, frowning. "Is he ill?"

Tabris took a deep breath. "I think he might not want to be here when I say this."

Alistair asked, "You're not going back to the Wardens, are you? I've told you, the Orleasians are doing well in Amaranthine, you don't have to enlist again if you don't want to."

Tabris said quietly, "I'm pregnant."

The room was dead silent.

Shianni asked, "Is that not...is that a bad thing?"

Tabris admitted, "It's not a great thing." 

Cyrion's face fell as she continued, "Romantic relationships are forbidden by the Qun. The Arishok made it clear that while Sten serves as a diplomat, he can live as a man of Ferelden, but within certain...guidelines."

Alistair frowned. "Like what?"

"He might be called back any day. We can't be legally married and he can't acknowledge the kid as his. If he goes against the Qun's wishes...well, let's just say that some bad stuff might happen to all three of us."

Her cousin, her sister, and her best friend flooded her with questions, which she tried to answer, but all she could focus on was the look in her father's eyes. He eventually left, handing the baby to Aria, and Tabris felt too weak to go after him. Halen started crying and Alistair left the room with him and Jaime. Shianni decided to take her beau home to give the rest of her family some privacy. 

When the two sisters were alone, Aria brought Tabris into her arms, holding her tightly. Tabris kissed her face and let herself be cradled. After what felt like hours, Tabris murmured, "You should go home. I need to talk to Dad."

Aria kissed her forehead. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Tabris nodded, wiping her tears away. Once they were on their way, she went out the back, hoping to find Cyrion. Her father was in the gardens, the little elven man yelling at Sten while the Qunari stood stoically and took it. Onlookers peered out of their doors and windows at the sight. It was only when the two of them noticed her that Cyrion stopped shouting. He went to his daughter's side.

"I want you to leave, Qunari," Cyrion ordered. "And I do not wish to see you again."

"Please," Sten pleaded, his voice so vulnerable and soft. "I love her."

It was the first time to the best of Tabris' knowledge that he had ever said it to another person. But Cyrion's heart was not moved.

"Then act like it," he spat.

"Dad," Tabris protested, "please."

Cyrion said, "Let us go talk inside, love."

Sten walked away and Tabris let her father bring her inside. They sat before the fire and Cyrion snapped twigs angrily, tossing them into the flames.

"Dad..."

Cyrion murmured, "I am not angry with you, love."

Tabris swallowed. "Dad, he-"

Cyrion put up a hand to silence her. "I do not wish to talk about him. He is not a man that is worth talking about."

Tabris growled, "You don't know him. You don't know what he's going through right now. He's trying so hard and you just scream at him in front of everyone we know like it's not killing him too." 

"If he cared for you, he would not put you in this situation, Louie. I do not blame you, I blame myself. When you called off the first engagement, I should have found you a husband sooner. If we hadn't waited so long, then none of this would have happened. And now...now you are near thirty and about to have a fatherless child." 

"Just like my mother, if you remember, and you loved her." 

"Exactly! Do you not understand? I made a promise to Adaia when we wed. I was becoming a father as much as becoming a husband. You were so young when she and I met but you already wanted nothing to do with me, even though I was trying so hard. But she said to me then that if I wanted to be in her life that I had to promise to take care of you. She knew if something happened to her, I would love you as my own. And I have, Louie. All these years I have loved you as my daughter. I would do anything for you. I would take an arrow for you. I would die for you. And I have nearly lost you again and again and just when I think you might finally be safe...do you know how hard it was for Adaia when you were born? I don't want you to have to go through that. She would hate me if she knew what I had let happen to you, she would never have forgiven me."

"Dad," Tabris insisted. "I'm a grown woman and I can take care of myself. And Sten-"

"I said I did not wish to speak of him."

"But I'm going to talk about him anyways," Tabris snapped. "That man you've thrown out of your life is the person I love most in this world. In Seheron, he was ready to go through almost literal hell to protect me. And I would do the same for him. He is doing everything he can to keep me and this baby safe. He loves me. It may not look like you want it to, but he does. And I don't know if he's always going to be there, and maybe he can't show the world that he's with me, but we're both trying to keep the other alive."

"You really do love him, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do."

Cyrion sighed, "But what will you do, love? Will you live together in sin? Will he raise your child or ignore its existence? And when this Arishok of his calls for him, will he abandon you?"

Tabris held onto the tooth around her neck, closing her eyes. Her stomach ached. 

"You don't understand," she tried to explain. 

"No," Cyrion admitted, "I don't, love." 

"I need to go find him," she said quietly. "I love you, Dad. I really do. But I...I need to know that he's safe."

She kissed the top of his head and started to rise, only to hear the back door open. Sten entered and Cyrion pointed at him. "Out."

Sten came forward. "Cyrion Tabris, you said to me that a man stands by the woman he loves when she carries his child and that I should marry her as the "decent thing." Although I cannot take your advice, I wish to show you something. I am told in Ferelden one exchanges rings to show devotion to the other."

Sten pulled the dragon tooth necklace out from his clothes. "I have worn this every day since your daughter gave it to me, as she has the other half. When the Arishok demanded that I remove it, I told him I would sooner part with my hands. This is how the Qunari show that their soul is bound to the other. I have only ever loved her, nor am I capable of loving another. When we first lay together-"

Tabris blushed and Cyrion gritted his teeth, but Sten continued, "I told her then that I would follow her anywhere, even to the places that I fear most, and she has led me here. Cyrion Tabris, father of my mate, I ask for you to understand that I am utterly devoted to your daughter and to the child she carries."

Cyrion's face softened. "Oh?" 

Sten went to Tabris' side and put his arm protectively around her.

"I cannot swear to your god or anyone else that I am, nor can I sign my name to any paper you may hold sacred. But I am hers and she is mine. Please understand this and forgive me for not being able to give her a better life."

Tabris half wondered who the stranger beside her was, but she went along with his speeches. He was being absurdly reverential and it weirded her out.

Cyrion smiled slowly. "Okay."

"Okay?" Tabris asked nervously.

He embraced them both and while Sten looked incredibly uncomfortable, he did not pull away until Cyrion did. Her father looked at them both, taking their hands in his.

"This is not easy for me," Cyrion admitted, "but I will try."

"Thank you," Tabris whispered. 

"It is growing late and you have traveled long today," Cyrion said, wiping away his tears. "We should all get some rest. We'll talk more in the morning. Good night, love. And good night...Sten."

He walked towards his bedroom, leaving the two alone. Sten kissed her hard and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I am weary," he admitted.

"I'm sorry."

"You did nothing wrong, kadan. I am sorry I was weak. I was...cowardly."

"You came back," she reassured. "It'll get easier."

She kissed him. "Come on, let's get some sleep."


	17. "If you want me, you'll tell me your sins."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to even apologize for all the smut that's about to hit you. Okay, maybe a little. Sorry. I'm really trying to work on my original work for Nano but then my brain is like "but, smut is more fun." You're right brain. I hate when you're right.

A few days later, Tabris managed to get time enough to see Sten's ambassador quarters. Compared to most diplomats', he had a fairly modest house. A dozen servants and aides, most of which seemed absent. One of his stewarts ran out the door with a bag of boxes and a second let her into Sten's study before racing after their companion. The room that smelled of the tea and incense of Seheron. It was surrounded by books, a few comfortable chairs and a writing desk shoved unceremoniously into the corner. Asala hung just above it, easy to grab if need be. 

Sten entered a few moments later and closed the door. He groaned.

"Politics?"

"I do not understand your country," he grumbled. "A dozen men and women to serve one grown and healthy man. When I tried to insist that they leave, they told me that they needed their positions in order to make money or they would starve. What sort of society dictates who lives or dies based on employment?"

"So what did you do?" Tabris asked.

"The sensible thing, distribute the wealth as is properly needed. Your King provides a stipend, most of which I do not need, so I have given me and those he demands work for me equal shares. And since I did not need them all, I have decided to pay them to do better things. Training, education, travels. An older woman insisted that she would like to stay here with me, so I have let her. It will be all right to have one advisor and someone to help cook and clean."

Tabris knew she shouldn't be surprised but she still found herself charmed. Only Sten would think such generosity was "sensible." She also really wanted to meet the woman who had stood up to him.

"How do you feel, kadan?" He asked.

"A little off, but okay," she said, sinking into a chair. "I'm a little lost right now. I feel like I'm already getting too big to do anything worthwhile. I was thinking of maybe going to Gwaren, just to have a look at the situation. The folks I sent to Tevinter are starting to come back. It doesn't look good, Sten. I don't know how many people I'm going to get back. And if I wasn't a house, I'd go myself."

"As part of our diplomatic relationship, the Qunari people will attempt to rescue any of your people who were sold during the war. That would not have happened without you. And you are creating our child. That is enough work for anyone." 

Tabris smirked. "You've got that look again."

"What look?" Sten asked innocently. 

"This is really hot for you, isn't it?" She teased, leaning forward to emphasize her growing breasts. "It's so wrong, seeing me like this, getting big with your baby. Like the whole world knows that I belong to you. You're not supposed to love someone, never mind make a family with them. It's almost dirty to you. Some people have a thing for Chantry sisters because it's so forbidden. This is your version, isn't it? Such a naughty Qunari man, so wrong." 

He swallowed hard.

She rose and he backed away against the wall. She took his hand and brought it to her breast. They were so sensitive it was actually a little painful but it got the reaction she wanted. 

"That's why you can't keep your hands off me, isn't it? Your tiny elven bas pregnant with your baby. The Qun didn't choose me for you, you chose me. You took me, had me of your own free will, and you'll take me again," she moaned. "Whenever you want me because I'm yours."

Sten tried to catch his breath. "Kadan..."

She slid her hand down his trousers, feeling his cock hard under her fingers.

"I'm only half way there and already my breasts are this big," she said as he toyed with her nipple. "My belly is going to get so big and everyone's going to know who the father is, even if you can't claim it. The Arishok can't take that from you, not when I'm absolutely swollen."

His cock twitched in her hand and she grinned. "So I'm right, am I?"

"Kadan, I do not wish to think of it like that," Sten groaned. "I should feel guilt, I shouldn't feel like this. It is not right."

"That's why it's so fun," she said, beginning to stroke him. "You want me so badly and you're so damn proud even though you think you shouldn't. But you need me. Tell me that you need me."

"I need you," he groaned.

Tabris started mentally celebrating but tried to play it cool. She loved being talked to during sex and with Sten being such a quiet guy, it hadn't worked out. But she had found his weakness and she was intending to exploit it, for both of their enjoyment. And hell, if might get some of those repressed feelings out, free therapy. 

She whispered in Qunlat, _Still okay?_ and he nodded briefly, a ghost of smile breaking character.

She gripped him slightly harder. "But you shouldn't, should you? You don't think it's right. You think it's so wrong how much you need to thrust that cock of yours into me. Sacrilege that you to need me to kiss you and moan your name into your ear. Blasphemy that you need to empty yourself inside of me and God, Sten, you fill me until your seed's dripping down my legs. I can't walk, I can't talk, you screw me so well. But that's not enough for you, is it? Tell me what you need."

He kissed her neck and she whispered into his chest, "Tell me."

"I need you," he pleaded.

"Not until you confess," she teased, nipping at his collarbone. 

"What do must I do, kadan?" He whispered desperately.

"Confess," she ordered. "If you want me, you'll tell me your sins."

In a ragged voice, he murmured, "Kadan, please. Let me please you."

She stroked him harder. "Tell me what you're thinking and I might." 

"I think if you do not let me spend myself in you soon I might die."

"Better," she encouraged, "but why, Sten? Why do you need me so badly?"

"Because you are mine," he groaned. "Let me take you and I swear I will have you screaming my name until your throat is raw."

A pleasant shiver ran through her core. "As long as you keep talking to me."

Sten's eyes widened slightly. "As you wish, kadan."

She stripped out of her clothes, tossing them on the floor. She knelt on the floor, balancing her elbows on the seat of one of the loungers. She pulled down her leggings and spread her thighs, making sure her pussy was on display.

He moaned, "No, I need to see you."

She went onto the floor, stretching out onto her back. He kissed her naked chest and his tongue flicked against a sensitive nipple. She groaned slightly and he took it into his mouth, sucking.

"That's not fair," she complained, "now you can't talk."

She arched her back as his hand slid between her legs, parting her thighs. He moaned when he felt how wet she was, his fingers sliding into her easily. He rubbed his thumb against her clit and she already felt close, her breasts utterly aching. She shuddered underneath his touch and suddenly he stopped, withdrawing. 

"Everything okay?" She asked breathlessly. 

She looked down, seeing a bead of milk on her unattended breast. 

"Well," she laughed. "Look at that." 

Sten flipped her on her knees and entered her with a slam. She gasped. He gripped her swollen, leaking breast, the other hand digging into the carpet.

"Oh, Sten," she teased. "So desperate after a little drop. What are you going to do when the baby is born? When she's asleep and the two of us are alone. And I'm riding you hard and every time you get me off my breasts leak for you. It'll make such a mess, unless you'll lick it off me. Or maybe you'll drink it, suck straight from me while your fingers are inside me. And I'll cry your name and everyone in the damn city will know that I belong to you."

Sten groaned, "Pashaara. You have spoken enough. You will say nothing but my name if you wish me to talk in this filthy manner to you."

"Please," she whispered.

"This is your fault, kadan. You seduced me, corrupted me. I used to be a man of honour and now I am a man of need. You have bewitched me, enthralled me. I am nothing unless my...cock is inside of you. When you grip around me, desperate for me, I lose all control of my senses. And when you come for me, screaming my name, you curse me to want you even more. I need to be inside of you because if I don't spend my seed in your womb I cannot eat or sleep."

It was more poetic than any other lover had said, since most of them had a lot more colorful words, but it was still so good she didn't care to give direction. 

"Sten," she whispered. "Please keep going."

"And now, I have bound you to me. You plead for me for only I can satisfy your needs. You may have lain with other men, but you are mine. My child is in your womb because I need to finish inside of you, because I need to rut in you like a wolf in heat. My mate. Big and swollen, all know that I took you. You arouse me so I cannot think when I see you. I need you like a thirsty man needs water. It is all I can do to stop myself from taking you, claiming you in front of anyone who questions who you belong to."

He groaned, stuttering slightly. His hand slipped between her legs, leaving her breast. She moaned and thrust against his touch. 

"You did this to me," he growled. "You enchanted me, cursed me to need you so badly. This is wrong, this is forbidden. I have set aside everything I believe to have you beneath me, crying for me, and the feel of you around my cock is worth it. I will spill myself into you again and again, marking you as mine. I will destroy anyone who tries to take you from me. My mate. Mother of my child. I am so desperate for you I can barely breathe."

She came hard, her vision almost going white. He pounded in her, her breasts brushing against the carpet. She felt them grow heavy, both dripping onto the carpet. She moaned his name desperately and he did not stop, the sheer force of his thrusts tipping her into a second crest. He panted, whispering something in Qunlat. She expected his orgasm to follow hers, but he kept going just as hard and fast. She almost started sobbing, the pleasure too intense and her breasts and womb aching. But she had given herself so fully to him and she needed him to come inside of her.

He whispered, "You are so beautiful."

He gasped as his climax hit him. He relaxed, moving slower as he spilled into her. Then he rolled her onto her back and took her breast into his mouth. She whimpered as he sucked, his fingers sliding into her still throbbing pussy. His flaccid cock rubbed against her leg, desperate to get hard even if both of them knew it would be awhile until another round. But he licked and kissed and sucked both breasts, the ache easing until his fingers coaxed her into a last orgasm. Her milk trickled into his mouth and he swore into her skin. 

He withdrew and lay on his back. She rested beside him.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

Sten murmured, "You are more beautiful to me than ever and I love you more than I thought was possible. I...I do not enjoy this "dirty" talk but if you wish me to speak to you when we copulate, let me tell you of your strength and your soft heart. I will tell you of how much I need you, but it is nothing I am ashamed of. I was made for you, you are part of the purpose I was designed for. I believe that more strongly than ever. I do admit I am aroused by your condition, but that is not because I own you. I did enjoy myself, however. I will not deny that."

Tabris smiled into his skin. "Then maybe we should leave the filthy words to me."

"That may be wise, kadan."

The door suddenly opened and Sten covered her from view with his discarded shirt. An elderly elven woman entered with a tray of sandwiches and tea. She seemed utterly unfazed by them on the floor.

"Oh, hello, you must be the Ms. Tabris we keep hearing so much about. I'm Jen, I'm the manager of the Estate. I imagine the two of you are hungry. Mr. Sten, please remember you will be having dinner with the new Teryn of Highever tonight please. You may want to put on a new pair of trousers unless the crumpled look is in fashion."

The woman put the tray on the desk and left, nodding briefly before closing the door behind her. Tabris started giggling and he grumbled.

"Do you want me to come along?" She asked.

"Please," he said. "I do not know how one makes small talk with Ferelden nobility."

"Well just do the opposite of what we practiced this afternoon and you should be just fine. Though I've heard Fergus Cousland doesn't mind a bit of male attention, if you know what I mean."

"On second thought, I will bring someone will a bit more grace."

"Hey!"


	18. "There is much she could be and we would be unwise to give her a title so soon."

Denerim was in the midst of a post war baby boom. With a market full of pregnant women and the common people excited for the recent birth of the royal heir, Tabris blended in. It was comforting in a way, no one making a big fuss over her. It let her spend the last half of her pregnancy at home in Denerim. She hadn't technically moved into the Qunari Embassy, but she might as well have. She wouldn't have looked out of place either. The rooms that most ambassadors would use for visiting dignitaries were full of refugees from the Blight or those who had escaped Tevinter and were looking for a place to hide while new homes were found for them. 

Tabris was writing back and forth with her steward in Gwaren to look into the feasibility of reclaiming land and creating new housing, but mail was slow still in the south and she didn't want to risk more exposure to the Blight until the baby was born. So she mainly helped Sten in Denerim, pleased that he didn't care about pissing nobles off as long as he did his duty. To his amusement, people were actually coming to him to ask questions about the Qun. After many insistences that he was not a priest and not qualified to teach, he eventually sent for a young priestess to come live in Denerim. It was quite the scandal and Sten had multiple Andrastian protestors who he continued to ignore. 

The baby was nearly three weeks late. By that point, Tabris was practically bed ridden with back pain and her anxiety was growing worse and worse. It was all going too well. The Qun would react. She felt it in her gut. This wasn't going to last and if the Arishok decided that her baby would be destroyed, it would be. She wouldn't be able to fight back.

For the last week, Sten stayed by her side, trying to soothe her. She knew he was nervous too. He had received word that the Arishok had set up a compound in Kirkwall and would not give an explanation why. The Free Marches were not far away, only a week by boat. It was too close for true ease.

Finally on a rainy, muddy day, her labour started. And it was long. Her sister and cousin stayed with her, the midwife coaching her. Sten refused to believe the father wasn't allowed in the birthing room and only left when Jen dragged him out. Tabris would have rather have had him there then her family. She felt like she was going into battle all over again and she fought best beside him. She was his shield and he was her sword. 

When the time for the final pushes came, Tabris threw out everyone but the midwife and cried for Sten to come to her side. The Qunari sat behind her, whispering to her in Qunlat how brave she was, how strong. When the girls had said the same thing to her, she had felt so helpless and tiny. From him, she felt like a warrior.

Their daughter slipped out into the world and the midwife caught her. She cleaned out the baby's mouth and eyes before putting her on her mother's chest. Tabris started sobbing and Sten kissed the back of her neck. He was unable to speak, but she could feel him trembling behind her. 

She was bigger than any elven baby she had ever seen, but not so strange to look at. She had the same pointed ears and her skin a similar colour to both Tabris and Sten. It was hard to see what her cheekbones would look like, if she would have the strong jaw of her father or the soft chin of her mother. But she was perfect. 

When the afterbirth had passed, their family was invited in. Jaime immediately loved his new cousin and Halen being so young only had a passing interest. The young prince Duncan was only two months older than his cousin and rested in a wrap on his father's chest. Even though she was surrounded by people she loved, she felt overwhelmed and asked for all to leave except Sten.

He sat on the bed, holding the baby. Tabris leaned on his shoulder, watching their daughter stir in her sleep. Sten said something softly in his mother tongue to his child, kissing the top of her head lightly.

"How does it feel, papa?" She asked tiredly.

"It is like holding Asala for the first time," he murmured. "I feel complete. It is not how I expected to feel. I thought I would care for her, out of duty to you, and perhaps from instinct, but right now, I do not understand how I could feel anything but this."

"I'm thinking of naming her after my mother," Tabris said. "What do you think?"

"A name she has not earned yet. Your mother was a fierce warrior and our Imekari has not found her purpose. There is much she could be and we would be unwise to give her a title so soon."

"I can't just name her "child" and keep flipping names until she's twelve. Don't you guys do pet names? Nick names?"

Sten scoffed, "Only for the very young."

"Well, she's a few hours old, I think that counts."

Sten considered this. "Sataa." 

"That better not mean baby or something, because if so, Sten, I'm going to hit you."

"It means the World. For she is ours, the world we have made together." 

Tabris murmured, "That's perfect."

"For now," Sten said. "When she is grown and wishes to be a warrior, then you may name her Adaia. But she is a girl. Most girls do not wish to be soldiers and I would rather her not be one."

"Hopefully things are little bit safer by the time you're an adult," Tabris murmured, stroking her daughter's chubby cheek. 

Sten stood, carrying Sataa over to the window. He looked out on the dawn, the clouds just starting to break. Tabris was too weak to stand beside them. She closed her eyes and rested. 

*** 

Sten still referred to her as Imekari when he thought Tabris couldn't hear him and the name stuck around the Estate. Sataa was a cheerful baby and it wasn't uncommon for the other dwellers to say hello and goodbye to her on their way out to their various routines. All of them referred to her as Imekari too. When Cyrion started doing it, Tabris finally gave up. Until she was old enough to protest, Imekari was it.

Tabris recovered from the birth quickly and went south to Gwaren to examine the damage. She was there for almost a week with Imekari and when she finally returned, Sten refused to let either of them out of his sight for a full day. The next time, he went with her. It was weird for them to both be in Loghain's old home, but it was growing on them both. The South was cold, but beautiful, and there was much work to be done there. They could travel back and forth, especially now that the Highway was being rebuilt. 

And it was also further away from the Free Marches, something they had only spoken of in private. If war was declared, a few days head start might be enough for their family to get to safety. 

But as the months passed, both of them started to relax. They were both doing good work that they were proud of, madly in love with each other, and had a healthy, happy baby. Well, technically Sten didn't have one of those, but that was just a formality. It wasn't hard to figure it out, especially since she was a good several inches taller than her two-month-older cousin.

***

Tabris was in the Alienage visiting Shianni, who had just come back from her honeymoon in the Frostbacks. Imekari was just beginning to toddle and Huan followed behind her protectively. Tabris still kept an eye on her as she talked with her cousin over their cups of tea. 

They heard a knock at the door and Shianni went to answer it. Imekari tripped over something and Tabris picked her up, rocking her to help her calm down. Imekari sucked on her thumb and curled into her mother's shoulder.

Shianni came back with a young elven man, one of the refugees from Tevinter who Sten was sponsoring.

"It's Tom, right?" Tabris asked. "Sorry, I'm shit with names."

"I'm sorry, Warden, you need to get back to the Embassy. The Diplomat...I don't know, there was a messenger or something. He's locked himself up in study. Even Mistress Jan can't get him out. Please, can you come talk to him?"

Tabris sighed, "Alright, let's go see what got my other half pissy this time. Come on, pup, time to go home. Shianni, I'll come over tomorrow afternoon, okay?"

They kissed each other on the cheeks and Tabris left, following Tom into the street. He started babbling on about how he didn't mean to disturb her and she told him to shut up. Imekari fussed a little and Tabris sang to her quietly. 

When they reached the Embassy, Tabris saw the two Qunari soldiers standing outside. Both looked at her in disdain as she went inside. She went to his study and knocked, but he didn't answer.

"You know I can just pick it, right?" Tabris called out.

"You have never been good with locks, kadan."

"You're right. I'll probably just break it down. Or you can let me in."

"Is Imekari with you?"

"Yes."

"Put her in another's care. I do not wish to disturb her."

Tabris turned, seeing Jan waiting not far behind her, waiting anxiously. Tabris smiled at her and handed her child over. She opened the door to Sten's office and let herself in.

Sten was sitting on the floor by the window, a letter in his hand. He looked up at her and she saw that he had clearly been crying. Fear flooded her.

"What's going on?" She demanded.

"I have been summoned," he murmured, his voice cracking. 

She sat down across from him and he handed her the paper, forgetting that she couldn't read it. She took it anyways. 

"You have to go back to Seheron?"

"No. Kirkwall."

"What the shit?" Tabris asked. "Why there?"

Sten explained, "The Arishok has called for me to act as a diplomat there. The situation is growing worse and he wishes to prevent further bloodshed."

"Further?" She asked hesitantly.

"There have been struggles back and forth. The city is having trouble controlling their mages. It is not a safe place for anyone and they are not prepared if my people decide to invade. If I can say something to avoid this, it is my duty to go."

"I thought you'd be all over your people stitching up apostates," she said bitterly.

"Please, kadan. All have the right to choose. Conversion means nothing if it is by force and the mages exposed to qamek lose their chance to seek atonement. You know I believe this, do not force me to justify myself further. But the Arishok is a...I don't remember the word. Someone who likes to keep things, preserve things, you use it in politics."

"He's conservative. Traditional, old-fashioned."

"Conservative was the word I sought. He is not a man who seeks reform. If he chooses to invade the city, there will be a slaughter. Many bas will die, but many Qunari will as well. I may be able to help stop it."

Tabris asked quietly, "Do you think you can?"

"No," Sten admitted. "I do not think I will succeed."

"Don't go," Tabris pleaded. "You know this ends in war. I need you here. Imekari needs you here."

"This is why I must go," Sten said. "The Arishok will force my hand. If I go now, it will be easier for you both. Kadan...kadan, do not look at me like that. I know you are angry, but please. This is not what I wish either."

Tabris insisted, "I'm coming with you."

"Luthien, if something happens to me, Imekari needs her mother."

"She needs her father too. Which is why I'm coming with you. You're going to go save Kirkwall and I'm going to save you," she demanded.

"I must leave by sundown, I do not have time to argue this."

"Sten," she said firmly. "I am going with you. Pack what you need to."

She left the room, seeing Jen standing nearby, obviously eavesdropping.

Jen asked, "What can I do?"

"Find my sister," Tabris said, "and inform the Qunassran that she will be serving in Sten's position until we return."

"I will, Ms. Tabris." 

Imekari started crying and Tabris took her, walking with her into Sten's bedroom. It had never been technically hers, though she slept it in almost every night. Imekari's cradle lay at the foot of the bed. They had just been talking about turning one of the rooms into a nursery, but it had never gotten past just talk. 

Tabris sat down and fed Imekari, who calmed down being so close to her mother. Tabris tried to hold onto the feeling. Her milk would probably dry in Kirkwall; this might be the last time she ever did this. Imekari was eight months old, it was okay if she stopped breastfeeding, but she would miss this. 

Imekari fell asleep and Tabris tucked herself back into her shirt. She held her, not wanting to look away from her little face. Sten came in and sat beside her, putting his arm around them both.

"Your sister is here, kadan," he murmured. "You do not have to come with me. Stay with her and I can go in peace, knowing you are both safe."

She shook her head. "No. I'm bringing you back home. For both of us."

Sten took Imekari and carried her as they descended the stairs to the entryway. Aria hugged her, promising to care for her niece for as long as she needed her. Tabris hoped to say goodbye to her father, but Aria promised to tell him what happened and that she loved him. Sten went to talk to his stewards and the Qunassran, preparing them for his absence. Alistair came to Tabris and held her at arm's length. 

"Say the word and I will get you two home," he ordered. "I mean it."

"I know," Tabris said, smacking him away. "Don't start a war for little old me. I'm going to be fine. I'm a tough son of a bitch, you know that. Just...just don't do anything stupid and take good care of all of them for me. Okay?"

He kissed her forehead. "I promise."

Sten returned to her side, still holding the baby. Tabris didn't want this last tender moment to be in front of so many people, but there was no time. Sten gave her over to Tabris, who put her into Aria's arms. 

The rest didn't matter. They ended up at the docks and on board a Qunari vessel towards the Free Marches. They were put in separate rooms, but Tabris went to Sten's quarters the minute the soldiers left them alone. She lay in his arms and he sang to her a bittersweet song of parting, one that was sung to soldiers as they left their villages to go to war.


	19. "The Arishok calls."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh sorry this took forever but I've finished it and I'll be posting it all this afternoon!

Even though it had been close to two years, it turned out that Tabris still hated boats. And after confiding in Sten that she was worried about her milk drying up, they discovered he was not opposed to assisting.

Which is how they justified being stupid enough to try to have sex on a Qunari ship headed into a potential war zone. In the cramped quarters, they managed to get Sten to sit on the edge of the bed while Tabris grinded against him, facing him so he take her breast into his mouth. She thought it might be weird, but it felt so different with her child the fear melted away. With Imekari, it felt like she was relaxing, like her whole body went soft to cradle a precious thing.

With Sten it felt like a wild animal was trying to devour her and she kind of loved it. He sucked and drank, his fingers digging into her hips, moaning into her skin as she whispered filthy things in his ear. She rubbed at her clit and took him further into her, clenching down on him. 

His breathing grew ragged and he whispered her name.

"You can't last any longer?" She groaned.

He picked her up and laid her on her back, licking the other breast, coaxing it. He kissed and sucked it, his fingers replacing his cock inside of her. It wasn't the same, but it did the trick just fine. She shuddered and he moaned, drinking her down. He moved his hips as if he were still inside of her, so close to release. She tried to reach for him, but he pinned her arms above her head, teasing her breast until she couldn't speak. She cursed, trying to grind against him. She managed to get her hands free and she pulled him into a desperate kiss. 

"Please," she begged.

He spooned her and brought her down onto his cock. He held onto her breast and thrust into her. She pushed herself against him, bringing him further into her. She touched herself, managing to finish just before he pulled out again. He thrust against her ass until he groaned, spilling onto her back.

They heard a voice and tried to dress quickly. Tabris sorted out her hair and tried to sneak back to her room before someone noticed how filthy she looked. 

Even though it wasn't their smartest idea, it didn't stop them from doing it again. 

***

Once they docked in Kirkwall, they were both brought to the makeshift Qunari compound. The people on the streets stared at them, some in shock, some glaring. When they reached the gates of the compound, Sten was taken inside and Tabris was forced to wait outside. After nearly an hour, Sten returned to the entrance. Two Ashaads watched their interaction carefully.

Sten said, "I will be remaining here for a time. There is much work to be done. We will speak later."

"When?" She asked, trying to remain calm.

"Tomorrow," he promised. "I will find you."

She nodded and walked away. She decided to go to Lowtown where she was told the Alienage was. There were a lot of Ferelden refugees still living there, it would be good to talk with them about the potential developments in Gwaren. It was also a decent place to hide if necessary.

Upon entering the district, a small child pointed at her and shrieked excitedly. He ran up to her and said, "You're the Hero of Ferelden! You're Warden Tabris!"

"I am," Tabris agreed in amusement. "How'd you know?"

"Your shield, that's what Grey Wardens wear, and you've got the scars, everyone says you've got scars on your face, and you're an elf." 

"Quite the detective. Well, I'm more in the reserves now," Tabris explained. "Another Blight and I'm at the front lines, but I'm mostly retired."

She expected the child to look disappointed, but he was just as excited. "Mama says that you've been fighting slavers and that someday maybe you'd help us."

"Johan!" 

They both turned, seeing a woman in her doorway. The woman gasped, "It's her. I heard you were coming to Kirkwall, but...you're here. Warden Tabris."

Others opened their windows and doors, having a peek at her. A few more children ran out and soon she was covered in them as they demanded to hear stories. She sat underneath the great tree and told all the age appropriate ones. Adults came out to shake her hand and thank her for her service. She felt a fraud. She hadn't served actively as a Warden since the Blight. Though she had meant she what she said. Both Alistair and her had agreed that if the Wardens called on them, they would come and serve. The Reserves they called it. The Tainted Blood militia. 

Throughout the afternoon, she asked her people to tell their own stories of their lives in Kirkwall and what she heard horrified her. Slavers. Templars stealing away children and threatening to make them Tranquil unless the parents paid them off. The Qunari a constant looming threat yet so many elves fleeing to them for protection. They were the only group that offered them sanctuary. The Chantry treated them as lesser citizens, the Dalish refused to accept them, and the City Guard turned a blind eye to the crimes committed against them.

One father told her of a monster of a man that tormented them, killing their young girls, and his noble father did nothing to stop him. Eventually he was destroyed, but it was too late. The last girl was saved, but so many were lost.

Tabris was pissed off. Ferelden was bad, but they had her and Aria. They had been working tirelessly for two years to rebuild the Alienage and fight for the rights of their people. Tabris had been bribing and blackmailing to get people out of Tevinter and housing them until they had a safe space. But this is where those asshole slavers were getting their new stock from and her apostate brothers and sisters were torn between two factions who equally wanted them destroyed.

It was a shit storm.

It grew late and though she had countless offers of a spare bed or couch, she decided to go back to her inn. The less she put her people in danger, the better.

She had just paid for her room in the Hanged Man when she heard someone calling her name. She turned and grinned. "Isabela!"

The pirate queen kissed her on both cheeks. "You look radiant, Warden. You're not in the family way so soon, are you? I heard you were traveling with your great brute, where is he? I miss his delightful smile."

Tabris rolled her eyes. "The Arishok calls."

The slight twitch of Isabela's mouth gave her away and Tabris raised an eyebrow. She didn't have time to ask more before she was pulled into a game of cards with Isabela's new friends. She forgot most of their names, though she spoke at length with Merrill, the two discussing the problems in the Alienage.

At the end of the night, however, she got caught up into conversation with Hawke. She liked the mage and she could see why Isabela did too. Hawke was diplomatic, soft, and she cared so deeply it made Tabris feel like a villain sitting next to her. But she liked that about her. She liked people who inspired her to be better.

Tabris took Hawke's offer for hospitality and agreed to stay with her in Hightown. Hawke had an early morning meeting with the Viscount and hopefully Tabris could provide an insider's perspective with dealing with the Arishok. Tabris briefly worried about Sten's position, but rationalized that it was okay. Nothing that happened in Seheron was off the record and she might be a good person to have around to share about the Arishok's temperament.


	20. "This is how I lose him."

Tabris slept restlessly throughout the night, a tight feeling in her chest never quite ceasing. Still, she rose before Hawke did and readied herself to meet the Viscount. The pair left just after dawn and Tabris watched the expressions of the citizens of Hightown at seeing her. She hadn't expected people to recognize her and throw themselves at their feet to worship her, but she hadn't expected such disdain.

Hawke nodded towards a particularly irate noble woman who was practically growling at them. "You're not exactly popular around here. I should have mentioned that. Big elven conspiracy, apparently, taking over the Theirin bloodline. And of course, people hate the Qunari."

"Saving the world didn't do much for my reputation then?"

"Sweetheart, I save Kirkwall every other day and they still hate me. You get used to it, after awhile."

"You could always come back," Tabris offered. "I've got a lot of work to do with Gwaren, I could always use another healer."

"Got a lot of work to do here too," Hawke sighed, "but hopefully you can make that a bit easier for me today. Just follow my lead, okay? The Viscount tends to be a bit of a skittish guy these days."

They entered the Keep and were escorted into the Viscount's office. The man barely acknowledged them, looking out the window towards the Docks.

"This is Grey Warden Tabris," Hawke said, trying to catch his attention. "She's familiar with the Arishok and knows more about the Qun than I do. I thought she might be a good advisor."

"I know who she is," the Viscount said quietly. "Word came to me on your arrival yesterday. Your lover has already come to see me. We did not speak for long, but what he has told me concerns me greatly." 

"What did he say to you?" Hawke asked.

"That he knows why the Arishok is here and that he will not leave until his orders change. He was not permitted to advise me and left soon after. All he would say was that he was searching for some sort of Qunari relic."

Hawke's mouth opened ever so slightly. Tabris was good enough at Wicked Grace to recognize the tell. Hawke knew something that she wasn't going to spill in front of them. Hawke recovered quickly.

"But the Arishok is willing to negotiate?"

"I can only hope, Serah. If you are able, I would have you and the Guard Captain go this very morning to see him. I would advise you, however, to leave the Grey Warden behind. I suspect her presence may make the proceedings more difficult."

"I would have to agree," Tabris sighed. "I'm not the Arishok's favourite person."

"Go back to my place then," Hawke suggested. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll send word for you if I hear anything."

Tabris went to the Estate and caught up with Bodahn and Sandal, happy to see them so well placed, though a little disappointed that Sandal had not begun an apprenticeship as she and Bodahn had once discussed. It was just past tea time when Hawke burst through the doors with Guard Captain Aveline Vallen behind her. 

"What's going on?" Tabris asked. 

"The Arishok has called for an invasion of Kirkwall. His troops are arming themselves as we speak," Aveline said breathlessly. 

"Why now?" Tabris asked. "What happened?"

"I'm told the Ambassador has gone missing. It is likely that he has been killed."

Hawke continued in conversation with Aveline, but Tabris sat down slowly, her hand on her chest. Her body felt numb, her heart slowing down. She almost felt like if she closed her eyes right then, she'd die too. Sten...what was the last thing she had said to him? Had she kissed him? Told him she loved him? 

"Warden."

Tabris looked up, noticing that Aveline had been addressing her for some time.

Hawke summarized, "She thinks she knows where they took him. If we hurry, we might be able to save him."

Aveline corrected, "I didn't say that part."

"I don't care," Tabris demanded. "Whoever touched him is going to pay. Tell me what you know right now."

"There is a terrorist leader we have been trying to bring in. I suspect she may be hiding in the Chantry as we speak. If we-"

Tabris was already at the door, grabbing her gear. "Come on, Princess, let's go. We're getting my man back alive or dragging the asshole who killed him into the Void."

***

Tabris entered the Chantry with her sword and shield before her. She had wanted to run fire a blazing, but Hawke had pointed out that if they were attempting to prevent a war, it would be best not to destroy the Chantry. Tabris reluctantly agreed to a stealthier option. 

They went around a corner and Hawke put her hand on her shoulder and put her finger to her lips. She pointed at the altar.

Sten was bound on his hands and knees with a Chantry sister standing beside him, dagger just piercing the skin of his throat. Sten remained stoic as she preached to those before her.

"Blessed are we, the instigators, we will shall bring holy war to Kirkwall and smite all those who come before us. Let the city be set ablaze and let us be cleansed as Andraste before us. This is the end to complacency. Soon, with their diplomat dead, his blood will show all how vile the Qunari can be, killing their own man for seeking solace in the Maker's arms."

"Goddamn Petrice," Hawke muttered. "It's always goddamn Petrice." 

Tabris had never been good at throwing blades. Aria was the real talent with a dagger. Tabris was good at breaking things down with her shoulder or knocking people out with brute force.

But seeing that sad excuse for a bitch with a knife at her lover's throat, Tabris flung her knife across the room and hit Petrice in the leg. She sliced Sten slightly before she fell. The others fled from the Chantry, straight into Aveline's guardsmen at every exit. Tabris ran to Sten and Hawke went to Petrice, binding her wrists as Tabris released Sten's.

"Are you alright, kadan?" Tabris asked desperately. 

He touched the blood on his neck. "It is a scratch."

"This is bad," Hawke commented, running her hand through her hair. "This is very bad. People staging diplomatic murders, Qunari invasions...damn, this is bad even for Kirkwall. You've got any insight here, Mr. Ambassador."

Tabris helped Sten up as he said, "The Arishok is attempting to meet the demands of the Qun. He has been sent to find the Tome of Koslun and he will not return to Seheron until he retrieves it. He has attempted a peaceful solution, but he is not a peaceful man and the city will suffer for it." 

"So you're saying that the Arishok isn't going to leave until he has...a book?" Hawke asked in confusion. 

Sten emphasized, "It is the Tome of Koslun. It is the most sacred book of our people. The fact that it is in bas hands, in a city full of unleased mages and heretics, has driven him to madness. This will not end peacefully. He will take the city and there will be a slaughter as the Free Marches have not seen in centuries. Finding it is the only way to attempt to placate him." 

Hawke sighed, "I know where the Tome is."

Sten and Tabris both looked at her with fire in their eyes.

"Come the shit again?" Tabris barked.

"Isabela has it," Hawke explained. "She needs to give it to a former business partner of hers or they will kill her. I let her steal it again so she could live."

"Why are you telling us this?" Tabris asked skeptically.

"Because I love her," Hawke said, "and if she runs off, they will find her and they will kill her. But you can get the Tome from her. Offer her whatever she wants, I can pay any price. Just make sure she gets out of this city alive and that the Tome gets to the Arishok. Please."

Tabris looked to Sten. "It's your scripture."

Sten agreed, "If it will end bloodshed, I will do it. Tell me where she has gone and I promise you she will not come to harm."

"There's a cavern on the Wounded Coast, I'll draw you a map. She'll go there if she's running away, it's where she's hidden her funds."

Sten took the makeshift map and Tabris touched his arm. _Are you okay?_

Sten kissed her forehead and stroked her cheek. _We should be sending you, you are the one who is good at finding lost things._

_But you're so good with women, you'll just charm it from her hands._

Sten smiled and switched to Common. "Be safe, kadan."

The Qunari left, both women watching him with the same dread in their chests. Both their loved one's lives were in great danger and there was little they could do to protect them.

Tabris picked up her shield and unsheathed her sword. "What's the plan, Champ?" 

"We get to the Keep," Hawke said, pulling her staff from her back. "We try to get the Viscount out of this mess and give him as much time as we can."

***

It took them hours to reach Hightown and every step was a battle. Almost literally. By the time they reached the Keep, both Hawke and Tabris were near spent. Tabris knew her own stamina and knew she didn't have much left in her. And the mage, though powerful, was a wisp of a thing compared to her. She was surprised the poor girl still had her eyes open. 

Tabris dragged them into the throne room, dropping her shield on the ground. They looked up in terror at Dumar's body. The Arishok stood, the Viscount's blood still on his sword. Tabris held Hawke up, the mage suffering silently. Hawke looked up blearily at the Arishok and Tabris held her own bleeding side.

"Why?" Hawke whispered. "Why would you do this? I thought you were a man of honour, but you've slaughtered all these people. There could have been peace."

"Peace is a lie," the Arishok spat. "Speak to me now, Hawke. Tell me where the Tome is and I may let you live and the heathen die quickly."

"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," Tabris laughed darkly.

"It's not in Kirkwall anymore," Hawke insisted. "You're wasting your time."

"I hate to make a liar of you, love, but you are misinformed."

The crowd gasped as Isabela entered the room, an ancient book in her arms. Sten walked behind her, sliding Asala back into her sheath.

"You came back?" Hawke croaked.

"I thought it was the right thing to do. It's annoying how much you've rubbed off on me. Please, this big guy just offered me protection and I don't know if you've seen him in a fight, but if anyone can keep Castillion off my back, it's him."

Tabris looked to Sten who nodded ever so briefly to her. Isabela gave the Tome to Sten, who handed it gently to the Arishok. 

"See?" Hawke said. "You've got what you want. Now end this."

"I will take the thief as well," the Arishok said, pointing his sword towards them. "If you are a man of the Qun, you will not interfere again."

Hawke stood shakily to her feet, stepping in front of Isabela. "If you want her, you will have to go through me first."

The Arishok refused, "I will not fight a bas saarebas, even one as worthy as you, Hawke. I will not have you corrupt me before you die at my feet."  
Tabris watched in horror as Sten drew Asala from her sheath.

He said in Qunlat, _Then I challenge you, Arishok. I challenge you as ash-ari._

"You mock the Qun," the Arishok growled. "You are a weak and fallen man. I look forward to erasing you and your genetic line from this world, Sten of the Beresaad."

Hawke asked in confusion, "What just happened?" 

Tabris whispered, "He's challenged his rank. He and Sten will now fight to the death to determine who between them should be Arishok. He's going to get himself killed."

Tabris had seen Sten on the battlefield and she knew how strong a warrior he was. He was a man whose mere snarl drove bandits away in fear. But against the Arishok, he looked so small. Tabris was too weak to help him and she knew even if she were able, Sten would refuse to let him near his leader. This was between them.

And in the end, after a long and bloody duel, Sten and the Arishok faced each other down. Sten was exhausted, his chest slashed, his cheeks bleeding. The Arishok looked tired, but he seemed in that moment to be invincible. 

Tabris felt a soft wave of magic float through her, the same healing presence shifting. Sten regained his stance and Tabris glanced to Hawke, who was beginning to gain a bit of her colour back. It was probably cheating, having one of the best healers in the Free Marches at his back, but Sten did not complain.

Sten slew him in a single stroke, straight through the Arishok's heart. Sten looked near tears, his entire body shaking. The other Qunari began to kneel before him, two coming to his side. 

But she got to him first. Sten kissed her tenderly, embracing her fully in his arms. 

Tabris openly wept as they pulled him from her. Isabela held her back as Sten was led from her, his head bowed.

"This is how I lose him," Tabris whispered. "After everything...oh God..."

Isabela murmured, "I'm so sorry, kitten. I..."

Tabris wanted to scream at the pirate, but she found the words dying in her throat. Tabris had been a thief, she had been scared, she had been hungry. There was nothing that Isabela had done that she could judge without being a hypocrite. 

Years later when she read _The Tale of the Champion_ she saw that she had been depicted as beautiful and brave and she and Sten as star crossed lovers, mirrored with the reunion of saviour and sinner. It told of a momentous event of Hawke coming forward, being named protector of the city. But in those minutes, neither of them were Heroes, she or Hawke. Tabris was a broken hearted suddenly single mother and Hawke was an apostate in a city that now depended on her to protect them from her people. 

She liked Varric, but he was full of shit.


	21. "I would not offer what I was not willing to give."

Tabris did not remain in Kirkwall and took the first boat home she could. She returned to Denerim for only a few days to explain what had happened and to get her daughter. At seeing his eldest's distress, Cyrion went south with her to Gwaren. Tabris did not speak of her missing mate, only to reassure her daughter that all was well. 

She kept herself busy and Gwaren benefited from her pain. New housing projects sprung up around her keep and the economy grew stronger. Rescued slaves were given land and training for new work. Many humans left the area, but more and more elves came to live in Gwaren. The Grey Wardens were as well given an outpost and she was entertained at seeing the new generation learning in relative peace. 

It was one of these recruits, a shy lad of barely eighteen, who brought her the letter.

Tabris was sitting in her courtyard with her father and daughter. The recruit ran in, speaking quickly of Wardens passing it on throughout countries and how sorry he was that it had gone to the latrines before getting it to her. 

Tabris unfolded the paper and her brow softened. In faded charcoal, there was a drawing of a rose. It was not particularly skilled, but it was effective enough to recognize it as the flowers that grew just before Sten's window at the Embassy. She held it to her chest and closed her eyes.

Cyrion asked. "Is it from him? What did he say?"

Tabris murmured, "That he still remembers."

For the next seven months, Tabris would receive no word from Sten but the illustrations. They grew more talented over time and each gave little information to someone who was not a part of their lives. Imekari asleep in her crib. The path just outside Haven. Each a message that even if spies intercepted would not be censored. The same message again and again: I am still alive and I still remember. 

Tabris framed each of them and hung them on the wall of Imekari's nursery, all except for the drawing of the broken bed, which she kept hidden in her desk.

***

On a cold winter's day, Tabris' steward informed her that a Qunari had been spotted on the path from the harbour. There had been more and more of them appearing in Ferelden after the invasion in the Free Marches and while she hoped, she could not act on every sighting. 

But when the castle gates opened, she knew in her heart that it was him.

Tabris raced down the stairs, running out into the courtyard. Across the stones she saw Sten. He held Imekari in his arms and the little girl nuzzled into him, babbling. Tabris ran to them and Sten saw her. He embraced her, kissing her forehead. 

They would not speak of his journey or his trials until the evening. The afternoon was spent just the three of them, Sten slowly adjusting. When Imekari was asleep, the pair retreated to Tabris' bedroom, their hands still linked.

Tabris began to ask him where he had been but he interrupted her thoughts with a soft kiss. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. He spoke to her only in Qunlat as they undressed and tumbled back in each other's arms. Their lovemaking was slow and tender and almost utterly without words. 

After when she laid on his chest, Sten shared his story.

"They wanted me to become the Arishok," he explained, stroking her arm. 

"You turned them down?" Tabris asked in shock. "Can you do that?"

Sten murmured, "No, you cannot. There were months of delegations, of arguments, until it was resolved. They bribed me, they threatened me, they tried to make me feel guilt, but there was nothing they can offer that I wished for. For a time they sent me to be re-educated, but I did not submit to the treatment and eventually let me go. Another man will serve as the Arishok and I do not know how well he will fare. I find...I find that I no longer have the strength or will to serve that role."

"So what happened? Why did they let you go?" Tabris demanded.

"It does not matter."

"Sten, I didn't see you for almost a year. You don't get to just say "it does not matter" like that and we move on. Tell me what happened."

Sten sat up, untangling himself from her. He sat at the edge of the bed, looking out at the snowy night.

"I renounced the Qun," he admitted.

Tabris' heart stopped. "What?"

"It is what needed to be done, kadan," Sten said quietly. "Your people have a saying that a man cannot serve two masters. I was forced to choose and I chose what my heart told me to. Two men were sent after me, but I disarmed them. It was simply a gesture to show they could not approve of my choice. For now, I will be left alone, but I will never be able to return to Qunari lands."

"Are you okay?"

Sten said, "I have been journeying for months, kadan. My decision is already made and has been confirmed for me daily. It is a bitter choice, but I have done what is right. I can no longer be a soldier, I know this. My purpose and my task are here, as a father and a husband."

"Sorry, what?" Tabris asked in shock.

Sten turned to face her, smiling slowly. "I have thought much of what my role here in Ferelden would entail, how best to fulfill it."

Tabris sat against the headboard, looking into his eyes. "Shit...Sten..."

Sten cupped her face in his hand. "Kadan, let me make the vows as your people do if it will mark my new position. Let me take you as my mate and Imekari as my child."

"Sten-"

"If you worry for my sake, do not, kadan. I know my own mind and my own heart. I would not offer what I was not willing to give."

Tabris grinned nervously. "Sten, did you just ask me to marry you?"

"Yes. Will you accept?"

Tabris nodded, wiping tears of joy from her face. "Yes."

He kissed her and she pushed him against the bed, straddling him. This coupling was much rougher than the last and left them both breathless.

***

Their wedding was small and consisted only of family and intimate friends. There were less than twenty people total. They held it on a beach in the height of summer, though the Gwaren shoreline was still not terribly warm. Neither of them minded, being far too enraptured by the other. Something that was obvious to all by the bride's baby bump and the mild hickey on the groom's neck. Sten was less interested in the actual ceremony and Tabris ignored most of the religious bits. What mattered was the man across from her, the one she had sworn her life to, the father of her children, her soul mate. 

Though he wasn't Sten anymore, not really. The term held history for him, something he no longer wished to live with. He had a new purpose now and his title needed to reflect that. It was something he struggled with as he wished to take on a name from his language, but not a title that the Qun possessed. In the end, he chose Rethaam or "I protect." Though his family rarely used it formally. Tabris called him by kadan or husband, both titles pleasing him greatly. Though not as much as his daughter calling him father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! I finished it! :D yay!


End file.
